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[personal profile] averygoodun42
Last night I was on the edge of a panic attack thinking of how life is squishing the joy and stuffing out of me. I had to repeat to myself that the massive negativity I was feeling was due almost completely to my lack of air. Because, ya know, not being able to breathe properly does tend to bring a sense of doom to a person. (But "Oxygen is for looooosers!")

Sure enough, I woke up this morning able to breathe (thank you, Mother Nature, for the cool air), and life has already taken on a warmer tone. Not rosy, by any definition, but not blue, anyway.

Takeaway? Chest colds are evil.

Ooh, speaking of evil, you know what's the devil? Plant catalogs. I am being deluged with them, it being close to planting season, and, daaaaaaaaamn, I wants, precious! But, well, lack of money and space means I will not be adding any potted plants to my garden this year. I did go out and buy $10 worth of seeds, however, two packets of which are for flowers (Picotee Blue Morning Glory, and McKana's Giant Columbines). The others are all veggies, because I haven't given up on veggie gardening yet. Hope really does spring eternal... But now that I have neem oil, maybe I'll be more successful?

Other stuff... You know what? I don't want to get into it. Life is not rosy, though. It's not completely doom and gloom, but it's looking like life will be very difficult for another year at least, especially financially. And I have to decide how much further into debt we'll go... Do I finish off my teeth while paying for Geoff's shoulder surgery or do I put it off (and risk paying more for the delay)?

So yeah. Life is trying to squish the joy and stuffing out of me (us), but it's not as bad as I felt last night. Because I can breathe. Because there are options. Because there is still hope that things will improve in time.

Date: 2016-04-03 05:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dickgloucester.livejournal.com
*hugs* I hope solutions will present themselves and that your lives improve.

Date: 2016-04-03 08:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] averygoodun.livejournal.com
My pie-in-the-sky solution would be for Canada to pass its resolution for immediate residency of Canadian spice (er, spouses of Canadians) in the next few months, so we could move to the island and be close to family in a climate that agrees with me (and the place where my soul resides). I have no idea what job Geoff could attain, but school would be cheaper, so getting his masters in teaching wouldn't be so intimidating. But, well, that's pie-in-the-sky.

On the plus side, the [real] worst case scenario is we file for bankruptcy, which, while not at all desirable, isn't anywhere close to being the end of the world (though these days it sure feels like it's coming, doesn't it?).

Date: 2016-04-03 05:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] apisa-b.livejournal.com
I spent the afternoon outside as well, preparing the vegetable patch for planting and working in mixed manure for fertilization.

Drone was helping - normally the vegetable patch is soley my responsibility, but thinking of my knee and the upcoming procedure, he did most of the heavy work today. Kudos to him.

Of course the lack of oxygen is influencing your outlook on life. I can see that will MIL too ... when her asthma is bad she is depressed - right now she is undergoing a cortison treatment and she feels better, and as a result she is full of energy and even went to a concert with me yesterday.
Edited Date: 2016-04-03 05:41 pm (UTC)

Date: 2016-04-03 09:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] averygoodun.livejournal.com
We're still a bit away from working the soil (it's supposed to be 17F tomorrow night... that's -8C), but I've started clearing the gardens... I hope to get out and clean and work the veggie beds this week (after it warms up a bit).

Yay Drone!

Oxygen is kinda important. To everything. I bet lack of oxygen is the #1 trigger for spikes of cortisol in non-emergency situations. (And given how prevalent asthma is, it might be #1 overall. :P) I'm just glad I know it well enough that I can tell myself that's what's going on. It doesn't really help in the short term, but it provides a bit of motivation for endurance that might otherwise be lacking. :-)

Date: 2016-04-03 09:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] blueartemis07.livejournal.com
*hugs* ~joins in to shake fist at evil universe~

Date: 2016-04-07 03:35 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] averygoodun.livejournal.com
*hugs back while shaking fist in unity*

Date: 2016-04-12 11:59 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] paisleysnail.livejournal.com
*hugs*

Keep on swimming! I hope things start looking up soon. But keep looking to the options - you can only do the best with what you've got.

X

Date: 2016-04-15 04:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] averygoodun.livejournal.com
I think they are looking up. The bug that's been pestering this house is finally giving way, I think (knock on wood), and the sun has been coming out, and... yeah. My spirit pigheadedly refuses to cave. :-)

*hugs back*

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