averygoodun42: (ooh!  dinner!)
2017-04-04 07:39 pm
Entry tags:

averygoodun42 on dreamwidth

As soon as I can transfer my posts to dreamwidth, I will. I signed off on the new TOS here, but only because I can't do anything otherwise. I will be terminating this account in short order, though.

I am now averygoodun42 on dreamwidth. Feel free to add me. If I have headspace to spare, I will attempt to add you.

I can't access my averygoodun email or remember the password, so consider that a dead account.

This sucks.
averygoodun42: (Default)
2017-04-04 05:24 pm

New account, same old person

So, apparently I set up a dreamwidth account a long time ago and promptly forgot about it. And no longer have access to the email account I used to use. So I've created this new account now.

Sad to depart LJ, but can't support those TOS.

And apparently I'm not savvy enough to figure out the crossposting stuff. So... Yeah.
averygoodun42: (Default)
2017-04-03 12:22 pm
Entry tags:

Um...

So those who follow me on that other site will know by now that my life is in major flux right now, as Geoff accepted a job in Albuquerque, NM. Which is approximately 2000 miles from here. He moves (with our stuff) in the end of May, while Page and I stay here for another week or so to finish up the major school events.

It will be excellent, and we're happy and excited and all that, but, well, there's so much to be done in the meanwhile. We're fortunate in that two days after our home went on the market it received an offer (which we accepted). But... omg, there is just so much to do. On both ends. And logistics to unravel out the wazoo.

I'm writing this post as much to try and motivate myself to write a to do list as to communicate, because with the immediate blitz of activity out of the way, I'm struggling to motivate myself into doing everything else that needs doing. Granted, this is my first day of alone-time in nearly two weeks, so I may just take it as a (well-deserved) holiday. I'm happy to do all that I can do, but it's wearing. Especially the patience needed for everything.

That said, I really am looking forward to this move. I will miss my friends around here terribly, but I am so looking forward to sunshine almost every day. And the horizons. Both Geoff and I drifted toward the hotel's driveway to gaze at the horizon the morning after we arrived for our whirlwind house-hunting tour. It'll be weird to have the mountains to the east of us (volcanoes to the west!), but it's a surprisingly beautiful city we're moving to. Not pretty, per se, but beautiful. And the architecture is SO much more to our taste. While I like Cape Cod houses, and New Englanders, the preponderance of salt boxes and colonials here will make pueblo style buildings a happy thing to observe for the next decade.

The main benefit of the move, however, is going to be our proximity to family. It's only a 6-hour *drive* to my sister and her family, so if there are family emergencies or celebrations, we can go! (Alas, we'll be moving two weeks too late to attend my niece's graduation. Boo!) And everyone else in Colorado is way closer than she is. We'll be able to see Geoff's parents every month!

And, did I mention the weather's better in Albuquerque? Because, well, we left New England in the cold gray, and came back to it starting to drop cement-like snow two days later. This last week. We need the moisture out here, but I am not loving the fact we've gotten our winter's worth of snow (and frigid cold) over the past 6 weeks. That's supposed to be a Front Range thing, not a New England thing!

Ah well.

Anyway, that's enough muttering. And puttering, probably. I need to... do stuff. What stuff, I still haven't decided, but do stuff I must.

Cheers!
averygoodun42: (fairytale)
2017-01-27 01:55 pm
Entry tags:

Nihilism: bred in the bone, or fostered through care?

Last night I was startled to realize just how many of my decisions have been based on the assumption that I will or would die young. I mean, the awareness of that assumption has been there off and on, like pushing Geoff to make more friends here so that he'd have a support network should I die (not so that he'd be healthier and happier, but so he'd have help), but it never occurred to me that it was so basic to my being until last night.

And looking at it, I see how that assumption has shaped my entire life. Even my reluctance to push myself physically is rooted in that assumption (and fear), because it's based on the fact that when I overdo things, I get ill, and when I get ill, I tend to sense the Reaper quite viscerally. So far it's 4-0, my favor, but it is 4-0. How many times do I get to narrowly escape death? (And this from a person, who at 12, said she wasn't afraid to die... *sigh*)

I have based my adult life around making sure others can be cared for, that I won't cause more distress by dying than by living.

And how incredibly fucked up is that?!

I mean, it's true that I don't want to cause anyone any distress at any time, but... for that to be one of the basic reasons I've tethered myself to life? No. There's got to be more. Especially now that I am a lot healthier mentally and can see just how fucked up that view is. I mean, that line of thought did keep me alive through many dark times. I couldn't bear the guilt of how broken I would leave my mum and Geoff, and maybe Page. But it's a safety line for the climb, not something to hang from one's entire life!

So now I'm back to figuring out what to do with my life... besides prepare others for my death. It's a strange thing. Not necessarily bad, but very strange.

(I've also figured out that I truly am a misanthrope. I like the idea of people just fine, but, besides my family and close friends, I am not willing to put much effort into dealing with anyone. It's why group projects are torture for me. And why I don't have more close friendships. Why would others bother with me when I'm not going to put the same effort into them? Duh!)
averygoodun42: (ooh!  dinner!)
2017-01-25 12:03 pm

Humph. Trump may be good for something after all.

I can't read my FB page for more than an hour before I become too emotionally drained to do anything at all. So, there's that. Too bad it takes the disassembling of democracy to treat my addiction.

Lordy. It's all too much. I am trying my best to be as politically active as possible, but it's hard not to feel like end times are upon us. Not globally, I don't think. Just on this continent. Canada isn't even much of a safe-haven, because Trump's rise has empowered the fascist and racist scum there, too. (Not to mention that Canada historically has bent to the will of the States because they would prefer to keep what sovereignty they have.) And, of course, the end times are mainly for those of us who are vulnerable to begin with. Unless a full-scale revolt happens, the wealthy (who pander) will come out virtually unscathed.

Ach well.

Good things exist. Geoff's shoulder is strong and supple enough to shovel the wet muck that fell from the sky. It was only a few inches of the shtuff, but it was particularly heavy shtuff. He also is advancing in other areas that are meaningful.

Page is coming along on the saxophone. He's getting to the point where once he starts playing, he has fun (for the most part). Getting him to start, however... Well. He was startled at the nasty look I gave him last night when he commented blithely that he didn't think of his music being needed for practice. This was after soaking his reed, and futzing about for more than an hour (while we nagged at him every five minutes). He had a good practice, though. Too bad it took him an hour past bedtime to finish it. (I wasn't feeling well yesterday, which probably made the glare meaner than it should have been. We were on good terms before he went to bed.) I'm also super pleased that he's growing perceptive. He's a good man in the making, I think. An oddball, but a good and empathetic oddball.

I haven't been painting, but the basement progresses, and I did sketch out my next painting. I need to sketch it out further with colors today. I'm starting to conceive of a statement to go with this series of paintings. I don't want to use it, though, because I hate conceptual art that much. I am also practicing drawing faces again more frequently so as to be able to teach that better. Now I just need to figure out how to teach basic painting better. So much of it is instinctual for me, that it's hard to give advice that's practicable.

My health is... odd. I'm WAY better than I was leading up to the holidays, but I still feel pretty weak and fatigued. I really need to start exercising more, and meditating every day or else this administration is going to literally kill me from the stress. The trick is to remember to do it (which is a trick, given that my memory is the first thing to go when my energy is low). And I really dislike the amount of energy making decisions takes. I don't dislike it enough to give up my freedom of choice, but weighing things out is exhausting. (And some of it's stupid stuff, too. Like, I desperately need a haircut, but I also need supplies for finishing up the basement. I only have the money for one. And should I forgo both so as to subscribe to Teen Vogue and support the ACLU?)

But on the whole, life is pretty good for me and mine. And there are opportunities to make it better. So that's very good.

And here's hoping you all are doing well, too.
averygoodun42: (Default)
2017-01-10 10:04 am
Entry tags:

To do list

Get recycling in the recycling bin.

Vacuum. Oof. 2 hours. Ded now.

Set up studio.

Paint? Or sketch out painting at least?


There's so much other stuff that needs to be done, but I'm feeling lazy today. Not to mention that taking out the recycling is a bigger task than it seems on paper (the basement is finally a basement again, but much purging and organization is still needed), and the vacuuming involves both sets of stairs.

But I will feel better when these four things are done. A LOT better.

Oh. I also need to practice both piano and French. French can be done after Page's school, though, so as to include him.

Good news is I still have art students. Yay! (One of the things I won't be doing today is working towards getting more students.)

Anyway. Hi from a chilly State. Hope your day is a good one.
averygoodun42: (Default)
2017-01-07 04:37 pm
Entry tags:

When dread is no longer existential, motivation occurs.

Or something like that, anyway.

Last month, before my raised dose of anti-depressants had kicked in, I was feeling pretty damned despondent. Things were not looking good on most fronts. Geoff's company continues to struggle (think muffled kicking and screaming as it gets dragged down to the river), the near daily political assaults of our dear leader's cabinet picks, an atrocious period (bad PMDD and debilitating cramps? w00t!), and other stuff was pushing me to the floor, making sure it was digging its spurs in deep as it kicked me as I fell.

So, I finally cracked open my "new" tarot deck (from last summer? Yeah. Birthday present to myself 2015), and asked a question.

The answer wasn't really a direct answer to my question (which I should have known better than to expect), but basically said: you're in a truly shitty place right now, but if you follow your dreams, everything will better than okay eventually.

It also hinted at having to move.


I'm now on the maximum dose of my current meds, and that makes life so much better despite everything else still being a shitstorm of nastiness.

But what I've noticed is that I do really, truly fear what is about to happen to this country and the world. But unlike before the election, when it was a threat, but a seemingly impossible threat, now it's sinking in that, yes, life as we know it is ending. That's not to say that life itself is ending (necessarily, though that's certainly not out of the question given our dear leader's cabinet), but we're about to go through a massive, massive period of turmoil on all fronts.

But, it's interesting. Because my fears are coming to pass, I'm becoming more proactive about doing things that make me happy. Like, I went and bought a decent keyboard and am teaching myself to play again. It was justified in my mind as a tool to help Page with his saxophone, which it is, but it's also something I've been really wanting to do for a long, long while now (if I'd saved $2 every month for the time I've wanted this, I would have been able to buy a new Roland).

I'm also learning French, and dragging Page along with me, because being monolingual in today's world (and our circumstances) is stupid. (French is the language Page chose.) And being stupid does NOT make me happy.

I'm looking forward to seeing my rheumatologist so as to work with her on how to get myself exercising without huge amounts of pain or injury so as to get strength back (and maybe help my hips from clicking, and my back from constantly hurting).

And all this has nothing to do with any new year's resolutions. It's just impulses brought on by an inner drive. No, my resolutions are of the pragmatic "you need to do this, so just do it NOW" variety - everything that I'm not looking forward to doing. And there's plenty, like really digging in to the business aspects of my art (I still have to storyboard and record a video for my Patreon launch... bleh), planning out what to do if Geoff's job doesn't continue, resisting the oligarchy on the energy I have left over from daily struggles, etc., but I'm hoping I will be able to maintain this momentum to enjoy the moments I have left to enjoy in the life I currently lead. Because I really don't know how long we have left to lead it.

And to be clear, I have no plans or even ideas of physically dying. Any death I'm obliquely referring to is metaphorical. I hope. Because I'm privileged enough not to have to fear for my life, or the life of my family.
averygoodun42: (Default)
2016-08-13 11:00 pm
Entry tags:

Happy Birthday, Dicky!

Sorry it's past the day itself in your time zone, [livejournal.com profile] dickgloucester, but I hope you had a wonderful day.

(Now to go scan my friends' page and see if you did.)
averygoodun42: (Default)
2016-05-04 12:08 pm
Entry tags:

Bettering myself

I am slowly coming around to a decision of how to improve myself. It's one of those "well duh" decisions, but, well, neuroses being what they are, it's taken me till now to acknowledge the merit of this plan.

And the plan is simple. In theory. It's simply to do one thing a week that I need for my health. Preferably the same thing every week, so that I can slowly build a routine of several good things a week, but the first few months may just be finding what that one thing needs to be.

Blather )

Anyway. That's my blather for the day.
averygoodun42: (Default)
2016-05-02 09:32 pm

(no subject)

Yesterday I suffered from a case of domesticgodessitis. Not that you'd be able to tell by the state of the house. No. It still needs to be decontaminated liek whoa (three weeks and two different bugs. It's been gross).

Nope. Instead I tackled the mending pile. Fortunately, it was small. Unfortunately, the majority of it was darning. Two of my favorite pairs of socks needed mending. And, since I had no brain-power or energy for anything else, I sat and darned. And "watched" Voyager. (I'm rewatching all the episodes Page watched without me.) Anyway, it's the first time I darned worth a damn, and, well, it turned out well. Go me.

Today I finished off the pile by finishing up a pair of fingerless mittens (from another pair of holy socks). So yay. I may take pictures of those, even if they aren't perfect.

***

I am mulling how to write a story idea. I'm kinda wondering if it needs to be a picture book. Thing is, if it were a picture book, it would never, ever, EVER get published.

Still. Mulling.

***

I took part in Podunk's Spring Art Festival on Saturday, and it was an almost complete bust. The only reason it wasn't a complete bust is because I had the time to finish a note card drawing, and figure out what my newest painting needs to finish it.

So frustrating. The people whose shop I was in said it was the slowest Saturday they'd had in a long time. Maybe a year. *sigh*

***

I think I'm in my week of misery (PMDD). Life is seeming pretty damn pointless, and I feel like a waste of space. Maybe even worse than a waste of space, given that I procreated and I'm not sure I am up for the task of raising a man. (Oh, yeah. Page has begun the teenage attitude. For real, this time. And who cares if it's two years early, because he sure doesn't. My mum said 11 seems to be the new 13.) I really am scared about that. He is so bad about certain things, especially reading body language, and... *sigh*

I wish I could redo the first few years of his life with the knowledge I have now. Ach well.

***

And finally, but foremost, my heart goes out to all of you who are suffering real losses, fears, or other stresses. I know a lot of you are, and please know I am thinking of you and sending you light.
averygoodun42: (Default)
2016-04-15 01:59 pm

Nothing bad to report! Yay!

Things are perhaps - knock on wood, do a hail Mary and whatnot - starting to look up.

- Geoff's shoulder is still messed. The orthopaedist says surgery isn't a good option at his age (he's not THAT old, is he?). HOWEVER, he has recently had two injections of cortisone, and movement within the shoulder itself is starting to return. He can now do the PT exercises without having to (figuratively) bite on a wooden spoon. He's under doctor's orders to take it very, very easy on his shoulder for at least a week, but it's better. Hopefully he'll be able to start sleeping through the night very soon, which will help loads and loads in the recovery process.

- Page has been ill, but he does not have pneumonia. Instead, he has thickened bronchial tubes (common in asthmatic patients) possibly caused by bronchitis, and a pleural effusion (effectively a large blister on the lung). The reason we know this is that his shoulder and lung were hurting him a lot when he took moderately large breaths. Since strep and bronchitis have been going around, and the pain wasn't going away quickly, I took him in. The doctor didn't hear any congestion, but sent him for an x-ray anyway. Anyway, since starting the antibiotics on Wednesday, he's improved dramatically, to the point where he's doing his normal "pew pew" bedtime avoidance routine. He's better enough, in fact, that he's at school! First day since Monday! He won't be going to his sax lesson today, though. I'm giving him till Monday to start that back up.

- I don't need a fifth crown! Or, at least I don't need one immediately. Instead, I had a cross drilled into my dodgy tooth. And, since it's a tooth they already worked on (one of the first), they're only charging me for the surfaces that they hadn't worked on (the grand total of which comes to $23). So that's better than the $230 for the first third of a crown...

- The back wall of the basement is ready to be covered. Already, I have most of the pegboard up, so now it's just a matter of getting the paneling. That will have to wait at least a week or so, because Geoff's shoulder needs babying, but that's okay. There's lots of other stuff that needs to be done in the meantime that doesn't require lifting. Or purchasing, for that matter.

- And best, the other day I went to a friend's son's birthday party, not expecting to stay long because of the noise and people factor. Fortunately, this friend knows and completely understands about sensory issues, so besides an understanding smile or two, I was able to retreat now and again without notice. Anyway, while there, but thinking about escaping, another friend came with loads and loads of presents. And it turned out, not all of the presents were for the birthday boy. One, in fact, was for me! She handed me a fairly heavy bag, and in it I found a Nessie tea infuser and a HUGE can of Troika tea.

I nearly burst into tears. I have felt so isolated and... unheard lately, and here she was, giving me a couple things I'd pointed out as being awesome a fairly long time ago on FB. Needless to say, there was hugging involved. And more retreating because I'm an ugly cryer and I needed to get my emotions in check. But anyway, that helped a huge amount. I love this friend, and I hate that we can't see more of each other (even though we live less than a mile apart... She's disabled and not terribly mobile, and I can't go over to see her in cool weather because she has cats). So I have to think of a way to thank her for her thoughtfulness. Beyond giving her more of my plants. :-)

So, yeah. There's still rough stuff, but, on the whole, as long as I avoid the news and politics, life is bearable and sometimes even good. Which, you know, is pretty awesome, considering. This weekend is looking fine, in the weather department, which means that I can get out and finish cleaning up the garden. The strawberries are still plotting a takeover, and I need to nip that in the bud. There shall be no coups in this yard, thank you! ;-)

Cheers!
averygoodun42: (Default)
2016-04-03 12:41 pm
Entry tags:

The influence of the physical

Last night I was on the edge of a panic attack thinking of how life is squishing the joy and stuffing out of me. I had to repeat to myself that the massive negativity I was feeling was due almost completely to my lack of air. Because, ya know, not being able to breathe properly does tend to bring a sense of doom to a person. (But "Oxygen is for looooosers!")

Sure enough, I woke up this morning able to breathe (thank you, Mother Nature, for the cool air), and life has already taken on a warmer tone. Not rosy, by any definition, but not blue, anyway.

Takeaway? Chest colds are evil.

Ooh, speaking of evil, you know what's the devil? Plant catalogs. I am being deluged with them, it being close to planting season, and, daaaaaaaaamn, I wants, precious! But, well, lack of money and space means I will not be adding any potted plants to my garden this year. I did go out and buy $10 worth of seeds, however, two packets of which are for flowers (Picotee Blue Morning Glory, and McKana's Giant Columbines). The others are all veggies, because I haven't given up on veggie gardening yet. Hope really does spring eternal... But now that I have neem oil, maybe I'll be more successful?

Other stuff... You know what? I don't want to get into it. Life is not rosy, though. It's not completely doom and gloom, but it's looking like life will be very difficult for another year at least, especially financially. And I have to decide how much further into debt we'll go... Do I finish off my teeth while paying for Geoff's shoulder surgery or do I put it off (and risk paying more for the delay)?

So yeah. Life is trying to squish the joy and stuffing out of me (us), but it's not as bad as I felt last night. Because I can breathe. Because there are options. Because there is still hope that things will improve in time.
averygoodun42: (hair closeup)
2016-03-23 11:56 am

Meh

If it weren't for the wrong frequency (super fast, like daily switcharoos), I would swear I'm bipolar. I'm not, of course. I am depressed and having the occasional good day, but, geez.

Last night I went to sleep "writing" a screed on how deadly western society is. I'm not going to literally write it out, but let's just say that I'm glad I'm loved, as that gives me strength in the face of society's unending, ghastly pressure.

There have been good things, though. Page is maturing. I'm painting. The snow from the late storm is all but gone, and it came early enough that it didn't crush the daffodils. (The crocuses slough them off without a problem, but the daffodils' egos are too big to survive.) I'd post pics, but apparently I don't have enough space to spare here, so oh well. Maybe I'll get around to posting them on my website at some point. (ha ha ha)

Another good thing is that my GP thinks I shouldn't have a problem being approved for disability. I mean, she told me that I will almost certainly have to apply more than once ("I think they have someone whose sole job is to stamp 'declined' on the first application..."), but that's a weight off my mind. I really, really, really don't want to go to the effort required to file for disability only to find that I'm not disabled enough in my doctor's eyes. She thinks it's a good idea.

What else...

Oh, I've been rewatching (in binge fashion) Avatar: The Last Airbender. It really is a very good show. The Book of Korra sequel is okay, I suppose, but TLA is really very good, and not just as a cartoon. So that's, er, good. (<-- how words have been to me lately. Spoken AND written. *sobs*)

Anyway. Still here. Mostly lurking.

Oh, speaking of lurking, does anyone know what's up with [livejournal.com profile] kribu? I've been gone so long, I don't know if there was an event, or if she just slid away like so many have. I've been thinking about her and her mom a lot, lately, hoping they're okay.
averygoodun42: (Default)
2016-03-10 01:03 pm

Anyone want to call the Canadian Embassy for me?

I hate making calls. Really, I'm almost phobic about it. Not quite, but it's amazing how long I have to psych myself up to make any call besides one to Geoff. Even calling family makes me nervous.

Ah well. I do need to find out whether Page is a Canadian citizen due to the date of his birth or not. So I guess I will call. At some point. Soon. Honest.

In other news, it was almost 80 degrees here yesterday. I sunbathed (for vitamin D purposes), and even as exposed as I was (sports bra and swim-skirt), I was getting uncomfortably warm by the time my 15 minutes were up.

However, later in the day, I persuaded Page to come outside with me, and I cleaned and weeded the garden while he regaled me with details about the new world he's creating. I had the thought that perhaps JRR Tolkien's mum (or, more likely, his nurse), went through something similar. It wasn't too bad, as my body was busy and my mind idle, but, wow. He can still talk.

While he was talking, I managed to weed most of the strawberries out of the ornamental garden out back. I still have a dozen or so to pull up, but I think I may have a chance of keeping up with them come spring. I also managed to pull up most of the alders that had taken root last year. My poor neglected garden really was neglected last year. I think I got out only a few times in the spring, and then... nothing. For the entire summer. And fall. (I lay the blame on the basement. It sucked everything out of me. Everything.)

But spring is definitely coming. Crocuses are blooming, daffodils and hyacinths are emerging, my honeysuckle is budding, and the creeping phlox is greening. And the grass, too. It even smells oddly fertile around here. It's a month early, but spring is definitely coming. Most people are pretty happy about this, and I figure I might as well join them. As long as we don't get a front-range spring with two foot snow drops that break all the trees and kill all the flowers, I'm okay with winter being done. I certainly don't want a deep freeze to come along at this point!

I have also been productive in the basement. Two wall panels are done(ish), and cabinets have been installed on them. I've also put up one unit of pegboard and organized the more necessary tools on it. It's a temporary storage solution, as many things will go on the as yet unfinished walls, but it's getting there. And it's all accessible!!! Oh, man, is it nice to be able to use the basement to construct things again. And, I am constructing things. I've almost finished the column to cover the support beam, which is the first step to creating the storage cabinet for the laundry area (which will double as an art storage place; it'll be double sided), which should improve life for us me significantly.

Painting... I haven't been so productive. I did put in a week of labor getting "Herald" framed up nicely (enough) so as to put it in the Art Association's Spring art show at the mall. That went up last Saturday. I still have yet to go down to the mall to photograph the show. Ah well.

I've also started sketching with watercolors (well, watered-down acrylics; use what you have) in preparation for a painting I want to do. I overworked the first sketch, but it's not too bad. I'll share a photo of it eventually. I think that also happened on Saturday... Heh.

Otherwise, life has been spent drinking tea and running around in a daze. I sure would like this basement done so that I can take a guilt-free weekend off. But it's getting there. It is. Finally. Almost a year later... *grunts*

Anyway, I ought to go. Lunch to eat, instruments to deliver, husbands to ferry... Yep. Exciting stuff. ;-)
averygoodun42: (snape)
2016-02-25 11:49 pm
Entry tags:

I have been crowned

And they're riding just a wee bit high... But fortunately I have to go back to the dentist to get my new cavities filled in two weeks, so the high bite can be dealt with then.

I hate my mouth.

In related news, I think I may have gotten stoned today off of aleve and tylenol during my dentist visit. Not quite sure "stoned" is the right description, but it was close. It felt nice, if a fair bit soporific.

Ah well.

It is school vacation week, so I am trying to cope with the constant company as best I can. This has involved escaping into the basement to work (or just stare) for as long as I dare to (I don't want to incite the pouts of the emo-demon that's taken up residence - things start breaking or going wrong when we interrupt its alone time), and sleeping as much as my schedule allows. And coffee. Coffee is wonderful stuff. Too bad I can't tolerate it more often.

Hell, I even delved into coloring this week. Normally I can't stand coloring because it feels like cheating to me. I'm all for other people coloring for any or no reasons, but it ratchets up my anxiety rather than relieving it. However, I found myself in that uncomfortable state where I was physically fatigued, but not quite brain-dead enough to just watch videos. So, I colored as I watched... whatever it was that I watched. (Fatigue does not help one retain memories.) I chose a geometric design that I've colored like a quilt, though I'm not sure I'll ever finish it. I s'pose that depends on how I feel tomorrow.

*sigh*

Stress sucks. Literally. I am trying to hold onto all the advances I've made health-wise, or at least be able to compare myself favorably to some time in the past, but... I need the basement to be finished and usable and my teeth to be dealt with pronto. And for Geoff to heal! Lord, I miss his touches, but I don't complain (to him) because I know he's in pain, and touching me makes it worse. It's got to be hell for him... But, yeah. I miss that form of comfort and love.

So, yeah. Stress sucks. But I'm - dare I say it? - hopeful that some of the stressors are coming to conclusions. Maybe by the end of March the basement will be finished and usable. Maybe Monday's doctor appointment will be the start of Geoff's healing. Maybe with both of those calmed, I'll be able to deal with my mouth issues without needing ice cream and cinnamon rolls and other (GF) goodies to go with the buckets of tea I'm consuming. Because, yeah, I know that's not doing my body any favors. But I'm not going to beat myself up about it, either, because there's only so much a person can deal with without breaking. And since sticking to the diet along with dealing with everything else was breaking me, and the diet was the only variable I could (and can) control, it's the one that gave.

We do what we must to survive.

Right. Enough rambling. Time to put the bone broth in the fridge and go to bed. Tomorrow has errands and crap to do, so rest is needed.

I hope all is well with you. And if it isn't, I hope you can find the comfort you need to get through it.
averygoodun42: (Default)
2016-02-20 09:53 pm
Entry tags:

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

On the plus side, at least I still have electricity. Not only can I come on here and complain, but I can also use my electric kettle (or a pot on my electric stove) to heat up water.

Which is more than I can say for my water heater.

And I had so hoped that tax return could go toward paying off our debt, but no. Windfalls are invariably met with emergencies around here.

Invariably.
averygoodun42: (Default)
2016-02-18 08:01 pm

Good things (with a cold)

- I accomplished the task I set for myself today (move and remove. Move a (small) cabinet so as to remove the half tiles underneath it). Unfortunately, I discovered that mastic supports life of the fungal variety. I vinegared the shit out of it, but it's discouraging to know that the battle of the mold is by no means won and will have more casualties than expected. (I knew that, but it still sucks to have it confirmed.) But still. I got those tiles up, and only shorted out the blow drier once. (It overheated, nothing dire.) I did not finish removing the mastic so as to prep the area for tiles, but that wasn't part of the task, so ner.

- Page and I finished Star Trek: Voyager, and a very satisfying ending it was.

- I more or less finished that painting. )

The colors aren't quite right in the photograph, nor does the lighting show off the texturing to best effect, but I think I like it anyway. Not sure I'll continue in that direction, but it was an interesting experiment.

- I was able to just chill for most of the day. I have set myself a task a day so that the depression doesn't eat me whole, but I mostly need to rest, I think. So achy and tired... So it's good that I'm able to do what my body requires. I'm lucky.

- I was able to help a friend in a professional capacity this morning. She said, "You've just given me a million dollars! No! Seriously! That's how excited I am about this!" And considering I was feeling pretty sluggish and brain fogged, that's pretty cool. I hadn't even had any tea yet... though I had consumed some magnesium and tylenol...

- Page is doing better, but not well enough yet to take him to his sax lesson tomorrow, which is all good where I'm concerned, given that his teacher is a 1/2 hour's drive away. I'm not up for that.


In other news, I'm trying to figure out a way to get a live furry pet into this house (after Purgatory has reached it's conclusion). We can't afford a dog, no matter how much Page and I want one. And we really, really do want one. But, well, realities being what they are, I've decided that we might get a rat (or two). Rats are the only rodent I have any interest in (besides rabbits, which I am even more allergic to than cats, if that can be believed) given their intelligence level. But, well, Purgatory MUST be finished before we introduce a slinker into the house. Not only will we need the room for its habitat (what a nice name for "cage"), but also because intelligent creatures tend to escape their confines, and I do not want to have to dig through the heap of our basement to find said creature's corpse.

I'd also like to get a betta for my desk, but I think a pothos for my bedroom is first on the expenditure list. One living addition at a time...

Speaking of living additions, I'm starting to think about what I'll be planting in spring. Lettuce for sure. Kale, probably (even if it's just to harvest what sprouts up on its own). Chard, probably. And maybe one of the beds will be devoted to the three sisters, even if I can't eat the corn or beans. It would be cool to try and grow a native species of maize in the traditional manner.

I'm also determined to finish the entryway to the garden this spring/summer. I want to have another garden party, and it would be nice to show that I haven't completely ignored my garden the last couple years (even though I pretty much have). Nice thing is I have a couple more pavers thanks to the basement quikcrete bucket leftovers. And I could probably use one or both of those buckets as lemonbalm and herb planters... Anyway, I need to get outside more often this year. My body has told me it's not negotiable. Even with mossies.

Anyway. That's the state of being here. Pretty good, all said, despite colds and looming flares and a demon in the basement. :-)

Hope all is well with you.
averygoodun42: (Default)
2016-02-17 09:50 pm
Entry tags:

I shouldn't complain

I knew I was signing a deal with the devil when we switched to Comcast, but the bleepers bleeping bleeped up with their bleeping billing. AGAIN. I am not pleased. This means I have yet another phone call (or possibly three, depending on whether I need to call the credit union if Comcast says it's their fault) to make tomorrow. I hate making phone calls. So draining.

Ah well.

The good thing I forgot last night was that this weekend (shut up) Geoff and I managed to get the kitchen floor clean. Considering we were both feeling off, that was a major accomplishment. And the best(/worst) part is that our work shows. It pleases me to see the floor clean.
averygoodun42: (Default)
2016-02-12 12:42 pm
Entry tags:

Can a Good Thing be gross?

So, I've had a lot of trouble keeping various temporary crowns on for various reasons. After my latest crown appointment (to get the impressions made), the temp for tooth #30 was pretty wobbly and even after getting it put back on (it popped off fairly soon after), it was wobbly enough that the dentist gave me some of the temporary cement to use at home.

Well.

I haven't used it. I should, but at the same time, it often feels better to just leave the temp off, because the wobbles irritate my gum. That and I just haven't felt up to fiddling in my mouth, scraping off the excess cement. Not with sinus issues and whatnot. So, I take the temp out when I need to, and put it back in when I need to, washing it inbetween.

Today when I was washing it in preparation to putting it back in, I dropped it. Down the open drain.

I was able to retrieve it without much problem of course, but... EWWWWWWW!

Right now it is soaking in hydrogen peroxide, and then I'll rinse it with alcohol so I know that all the ickies are dead and gone, but still! EWWWWWWW!

At least it didn't skip over into the toilet, right?

*sigh*