chick, babe/baby, little one.... which one would you chose?

[averygoodun42]

A recent post of mugglegirl0908's sent me over to look at gunderpants' post about a letter written by a self-proclaimed "nice guy." I must admit my reading of the letter was a bit different from gun's.

I'm a guy and I also happen to be a nice guy. I have always been rejected/overlooked/shotdown by women because I'm too nice. I was raised to treat women, and people in general, with respect. I hold the door for chicks, I say yes ma'am, and I say please and thank you. And I never get any p***y.

Gun tell us that she's grateful that this guy "alerted me to his creep!status within forty words of his diatribe," and I agree, but for very different reasons.  It wasn't his plea for "p***y," because, well, I believe, in my rather chauvanistic (but IMO realistic) way that that is all guys think about.  I consider DH to be a very nice guy, but he openly admits thinking along those lines most of the time, especially when confronted with attractive females.  As the letter writer tells us: that doesn't sound very much like a nice guy, but that's in my head, not out loud.

No, what bothered me about those first forty words was the I hold the door for chicks part.  I don't disagree that holding doors open for anyone is a courteous thing to do, and it's always appreciated when they do so for me, but I do object to being called a "chick." 

It brings to mind a discussion my best friend from high school and I had.  The topic was: Which would you prefer to be called, "chick" or "babe (or baby)."  I was genuinely shocked that my friend preferred chick over babe.  Looking back, I can kind of sort of understand her reasoning, in that "babe/baby" does imply a level of immaturity that would be deeply offensive to the fledgling adult status of a teenager.  It also has that nasty "who's yo daddy" thing going on, where there's an implied shift of power to the person using the term.

But, in my opinion, at least you aren't being referred to as a farm animal.

The thing I like about "babe/baby" is that it's gender transferable.  You're almost as likely to hear a guy being called babe as you are a gal.  That seems equitable.

No.  To me, chick is the far more offensive term because not only is the girl being compared to a farm animal, a brainless farm animal, but it's a baby brainless farm animal at that, so you can't even take away the immaturity jibe. 

(Granted that if a guy called me either one of those terms without it being in a facetious manner, it would probably end the relationship, but I'm picky that way.  I actually think words hold power, as do names.)

So, DH and I were talking about this after he'd read a bit of gun's post, and it brought to mind the term of endearment I've seen about in quite a few SS/HG fics of late that grates on my nerves no end: little one.  Granted, I do have a personal grudge against the term seeing as I was nicknamed "Littlebet" by a neighbor who refused to recognize (or, worse, did recognize) how much the name pissed me off, even at a young age, and continued to call me that until I was a teenager.  grr. 

But beyond the personal, it grates on my nerves because, in my mind, you call a child "little one," not a lover, because "little one" doesn't  only imply a power imbalance, it CREATES it.  Of course, maybe that makes it perfect for the SS/HG ship, because there is an inherent imbalance of power in that relationship.  But I digress.

Of course, all of the terms will vary in their degrees of offensiveness by cultural region, I suspect.  DH knows a guy in Texas (and it's horrible of me to hold all of Texas to the standard of this one guy, I know, and I apologize) who refers to his current girlfriend as "his chick."  DH's comment to me was to wonder how long she would be "his chick" if he continued to call her that, then to wonder if it's different in Texas.  Like everywhere else, though, it probably differs from person to person.

So, what do you think?  If you had to choose, which would it be, and why?

Comments

[vanityfair00.livejournal.com]

Neither one, thank you.

I might be able to handle "my girl," but even that would be pushing it.

My dad calls me and my sisters Joe (yes all three of us.) We never had schmoopy nicknames as kids like pumpkin or angel. It was knothead or Joe. And I can't really see myself wanting a sappy endearment now. I really liked Logan on Gilmore Girls calling Rory, Ace. Now that is romantic in my mind.

[mugglegirl0908.livejournal.com]

People actually write Severus referring to Hermione as "little one"?

Argh! WHY? *hits fandom on the head with a big stick*

I totally agree with your assessment. I think the "creep" factor didn't just come from the use of the word "p***y" but, as you said, the use of some other words, such as chick. I think Gun pointed out, too, that there was some very thinly veiled misogyny throughout the whole post. That's what irked me. Not to mention the whole thing came across as whiny and just begging for sympathy.

I suppose "babe" would be preferable to "chick" and I think that's because, as you said, at least I wouldn't be being compared to a farm animal. And a baby farm animal, at that! Like you also said, "babe/baby" is much more gender transferable.

What about "dear" and "honey"? I see those as gender transferable, and I think I prefer those the most. Likely because I've heard my grandparents call each other that my whole life, though. :)

[shiv5468.livejournal.com]

You call me by my name, or light of my life, darling (if you're blond and drawl it just so), or Mistress at whose feet i am not fit to grovel.

[zalena.livejournal.com]

Hmm, I guess I'd go with 'babe' but only with a lot of irony attached. 'Beautiful' is always acceptable, and anything regarding sweetness is tolerated ('honey'), but I prefer pet-names to be tailor-made. I prefer not to be called any kind of animal, or to have the word 'pants' appearing after any adjective. 'Sugar-mouse,' 'Sassy-pants,' etc.

You might appreciate Why 'Nice Guys' = Bleah! at heartless-bitches.com. A lot of the things people (not just guys) do that are considered 'nice' can be very manipulative. I think the key isn't just 'give and take,' but genuine sharing. This is difficult to do in a relationship that does not have some kind of equal standing for both parties and the way they regard each other and themselves.

I have to tell you that most of the nice guys I know go for women who needy and damaged. Ditto for nice girls going for assholes. (Of which I am one, specializing in narcissists. We're hoping that's changed now, but I haven't had a chance to practice my new 'skilz.')

[fishity.livejournal.com]

I'd be okay with "baby" or "babe" because I'm old enough (and because there's only a small age difference between me and Mr. F) to not see it as belittling my status as an adult. As for "chick", I can't even imagine it being used in a non-ironic way!

Mr. F and I call each other all kinds of weird names. "Snookums" has been become a favourite lately, but foods feature quite often too (sugarcube, cereal, meatball...we're not terribly serious about nicknames, you see).

[ashfae.livejournal.com]

Babe. I am not a bird, I am a person. Thanks and good night.

That said, I live in a country where "hen" is a common polite thing to call people, even those you don't know. Weird that.

[azmeredith.livejournal.com]

I absolutely despise the term "little one." UGH. However, I don't mind the term "chick," while I detest "babe." It must be because I refer to myself as a "chick" all the time. As in, "I'm one happy chickie today," or things of that sort. I have no idea how I got started doing that. Perhaps it was some regional affectation that I got used to at some point in my life. Oh well.

[azmeredith.livejournal.com]

I have to post an addendum. I don't mind if certain friends refer to me as babe or chick, but I absolutely cannot stand it when a MAN does, especially one I don't know. Probably because I can view it as a term of endearment when a femal friend says it, but as a mockery or degradation when a man says it.