averygoodun42 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
averygoodun42) wrote2006-02-20 12:38 am
averygoodun42) wrote2006-02-20 12:38 am
Entry tags:
Valentine Chocolate Challenge Fic, part I
This was inspired by GinnyW's challenge. Because I haven't been trolling the forums, I didn't hear about the challenge until ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
bonsaibetz posted the first part of hers on the 13th, so I definitely run the risk of not meeting the deadline. (And my apologies to those of you waiting for updates on my other stories. This one just took over, so I had to run with it.)
This has not been betaed yet at all (not even DH has read through it), and it's still a little rough (ie: it will change), but I hope you enjoy it anyway. Please let me know what you think.
Title: The St. Valentine's Day Massacre
Rating: General
Warnings: Mild violence, language, and innuendo; HBP complaint -- possible spoilers
Category/Genre: Any
Length: Anything---I prefer it to be complete by the deadline, but a started WIP is acceptable, just please promise me that you'll complete it in a timely manner.
Also, if you choose to do as 100-word drabbles, please follow requirements of the website that you wish to post to.
Pairing: SS/HG
Rating: Any
Deadline: February 28, 2006
Setting: This story may be your choice, AU or HBP compliant, just please label it either way.
Summary:
It's Valentines Day and there are enchanted chocolates around to wreck havoc on one or both of our favorite couple.
The enchantments on the chocolates are up to you, but PLEASE be creative! I mean, even JKR spiked candy with Love Potion in HBP.
The chocolates may be knowingly enchanted or an accident.
They do not have to be a gift exchanged between Hermione and Severus.
However, one or both of them must suffer the consequences of the chocolates.
Requirements:
These items must make an appearance in this story one way or another.
They may be a part of the background or instrumental to the story:
~Flower(s)
~Wine or champagne
~Cupid (Muggle paper version/enchanted, Dwarf in an abbreviated toga, the real one, etc.)
~Poem or Limerick (does not have to be romantic)
Optional:
~Enchanted 'conversation' hearts
~Candles
~a romantic or not-so-romantic bubble bath
The St. Valentine's Day Massacre
by averygoodun
It all started innocently enough. Well, as innocently as any of Fred or George's pranks tend to be. Well, okay, if I'm completely honest, it started well before that day. I guess it started when Dad, Remus, Kingsley and Hermione tried to convince Harry and me that Snape had been the one sending those notes. You know, the notes giving us tips about the horcruxes, and warnings about attacks.
In the end, it was Hermione who convinced me, and that left me to convince Harry. He took that really well. In the days after that confrontation it was just a little tense between the two of us, and I took out my frustration on Hermione.
Yeah, I was a prat. I see that now.
Anyway, it took a while, but eventually Harry and I worked out our differences, but unfortunately, that happened at the expense of Hermione. See, by that time Snape had started coming round in person. Since Harry and I weren't exactly keen on talking with him, or even looking at his ugly mug, that left Hermione to be the go between.
Of course, at the time, neither Harry nor I saw it that way. We saw Hermione willingly consorting with the greasy git, choosing his company over ours. We saw it as a betrayal of the worst sort.
It's kind of ironic that it was Snape who brought us together again. He wasn't very nice about it either, but that wasn't a surprise to anyone. So, we all forgave each other and became friends again, but it wasn't the same. Harry and I did feel bad about the way we treated Hermione, and we were very sorry, but Hermione... Well, she had every right to be less open with us. Me especially. I knew there was no chance of us rekindling our romance. I'd ruined that for good.
So, I guess it's fair to say that everything that happened afterward was my fault. Yeah, the twins had a share of the blame, but they never would have played their prank on Hermione if they hadn't had to listen to me moping about ruining a good thing for weeks on end.
Valentine's Day weekend came around kind of suddenly. We had just found the last missing horcrux and destroyed it the week before, and, frankly, we were tired. Harry was constantly in training with Remus, Kingsley and Moody, while Hermione was making yet another good faith effort to read every book ever written on defense against the dark arts. I admit that Snape did help out there, loaning Hermione some truly scary books that were super useful.
We were also nervous. With all but one horcrux destroyed, the final confrontation loomed in all our minds, Harry's especially. Fred and George decided that what we all needed was a good party. Valentine's Day was the perfect excuse.
I wasn't too keen on their plan, seeing as it was just another reminder of what I'd messed up, and Hermione didn't seem too thrilled either. I assumed it was for the same reason, but I wasn't about to ask. Harry, however, was enthusiastic. Ginny had accosted him with a sickening display of hugs and kisses when we got back to the Burrow after the last mission, and she hadn't really let him go since. As much as Harry tried to protest that it wasn't safe, and she would be better off far away from him, we all could see he was pretty tickled at the attention she was giving him. Even mum and dad were seen exchanging sly smiles whenever they caught the two of them in each other's arms.
So Harry was thrilled with the idea of actually having something to celebrate. Fred and George refused to discuss their plans with anyone, besides mum, but they kept giving me ominous cheery winks for the entire week beforehand.
Not a great confidence builder, that.
The party started at seven, but I decided to be fashionably late. Okay, I was avoiding going down and seeing Hermione standing around stonily, shooting me angry glances all night. By the time I got downstairs it seemed like all the members of the Order we knew about were there. Remus and Tonks hung out by fireplace, barely managing to keep their hands off one another. Remus kept whispering in Tonks' ear, and she'd keep looking at the flowers on the mantle and giggling.
Hoping to distract myself, I looked around the room and saw Harry and Ginny not managing to keep their hands off each other. Feeling slightly ill, I looked around again and smiled. Neville and Luna were by the drinks, looking around the room in a shy manner. Just what I needed: a chance to play genial host.
"Neville," I shouted across the room. I saw him start, then relax and smile as he saw me making my way to them.
When I was before them, I don't know what took hold, but instead of just smiling and saying 'hi' to Luna like I planned, I bowed to her, took her hand and kissed it.
"Luna, it was good of you to come." I had no idea what was coming out of my mouth, and it must have shown, because Luna smiled and said in her vague way, "You're very different away from school. Are you ill?"
That's the great thing about Luna, she cuts through any ice without even thinking about it. I couldn't help laughing.
"I'm glad you decided to come, Luna! I've missed your quirky style." I'd said it intending to assure her I wasn't laughing at her, but I didn't expect her to blush and look away. I also didn't expect the slight tightening of my stomach in response. Not wanting to make Luna feel awkward by staring at her, I turned to Neville and asked how the winter was going for him.
We chatted for a few minutes, but then he caught sight of Ginny (who had detached herself from Harry for a few blissful moments), and wandered off to talk to her. Luna and I said good-bye to him, then looked at each other; for once both of us were at a loss for something to say.
"Er, so... How are the Crumple Horn Snorkhacks this time of year?" I said, wondering what outrageous story she'd regale me with.
She laughed prettily. "Oh, I don't know. My dad's research on them kind of fizzled out, what with Voldemort coming back and all," she said blandly.
I gasped and looked at her, awed by her use of Voldemort's name. Besides Dumbledore, Harry and Hermione, I didn't know anyone else who didn't shudder at the name.
She frowned, seemingly offended. "Well, his time has been taken up with reporting on more relevant articles, like the way Death Eaters are systematically terrorizing Muggle tea shops across the Orkneys with biting teacups and insulting teapots. It's really atrocious, and since the Prophet isn't letting the public know..."
"No," I laughed, understanding her train of thought. My laughing didn't help matters at all, as she withdrew into her normal dreamy look. I touched her shoulder, trying to bring her back. "No, Luna, you misunderstood me. I was shocked, and impressed, that you said You-Know- erm, V-voldemort's name so easily. As you can tell, I still haven't gotten used to it."
She looked back up at me, eyes clearing, and smiled. "Oh," was all she said, but it felt as if she had just offered me an entire lecture on who she was. I didn't really understand what was happening, but I liked the feeling.
I didn't know what to say, but as I looked at Luna, it suddenly felt as if I didn't need to say anything. In that look we accepted each other as we were, no pretenses. It was the most peaceful I'd felt in a long time and it brought with it a sense of contentment I'd been missing.
Movement out of the corner of my eye caught my attention, and looking up, I saw Hermione staring at us. I turned to smile at her, and Merlin, it hurt to see her expression. She stood there, stone still, drink in hand, and her mouth opened just slightly in shock. Her eyes... She looked like I'd betrayed her yet again. Before I could move or say anything, though, she shook herself and offered a false smile before wandering off in the opposite direction.
"She probably thought you were flirting with me." Luna's soft voice brought my attention back to her. I slowly shook my head, feeling my head start to pound. That look was why I hadn't wanted to come down in the first place.
"We- we aren't seeing each other anymore. Haven't for a couple of months," I admitted finally. I thought I saw a fleeting smile cross Luna's face, but then her expression turned somber.
"Oh." I was surprised that her one syllable word implying that she knew more about the situation than I did annoyed me less than when Hermione used that same tone.
"Oh?"
She smiled. "She's disappointed, is all. She'll get over it eventually. I expect she already has, but doesn't want to admit it yet."
Confused, I looked over my shoulder at Hermione, then back to Luna. "Eh?" Luna just smiled dreamily and offered me a drink.
I was surprised how quickly an hour passed by while chatting with Luna. Before I knew it, Fred and George were calling for everyone's attention from the stairs.
"Ladies and gentlemen! Now that we have your attention, we would like to introduce you to our lovely assistant, Hermione Granger!"
Everyone in the crowd, myself included, looked a little stunned that Hermione would assist them in anything, but we all clapped dutifully. Our doubts faded somewhat as George pulled a very reluctant, and very angry, Hermione up onto the staircase. I almost felt sorry for Fred and George because, by the look of it, Hermione was going to hex them from here till Sunday after everything was done.
"She doesn't look very pleased," Luna said softly, pointing out the obvious. I tore my eyes off the scene for a moment to glance at Luna. She was gazing up at Hermione with a detached interest.
Looking back at Hermione, I replied, "Nah, she looks positively--" I cut off as Fred started a spiel.
"Now Hermione," Fred said, ignoring the death glare he was receiving from both Hermione and Mum, "this party is supposed to be about lightening up a little, and relaxing, but we were wondering if you would be willing to tell us again what you think about You-Know-Who and his followers."
Hermione shot him another look of loathing, but I could see her mouth twitching like it does when she doesn't want to smile.
"The Dark Lord and his following corps," Hermione started in a singsong tone,
"Are foolish in rehashing the lore
That pure is the best
But is ready to test
The whole world will ignore his clogged pores."
There was stunned silence for about three seconds, then everybody in the room started howling with laughter. Over the din, I could barely make out George saying, "And what, Hermione, do you think of Ron, really?"
The crowd quieted down just in time for them to hear my name, so of course everyone swiveled round to look at me. I saw Hermione glower at the twins, then close her eyes and sigh one of her fake long suffering sighs. I could only guess what she was going to say.
"Ronald Weasley is far from complex
But to some girl he'll be their vertex
His kissing's like tar
Though he'll not stray far
But he's not one with whom I'd have sex!"
This time, the crowd didn't hesitate over laughing. I felt my ears go red, but I tried to look like I was enjoying the jibe as much as possible. It was, after all, far better than what she could have said.
"The rhythm wasn't quite right with that one," Luna sighed. "It would have been better if she'd said, 'His kissing's like tar/ and his reach is quite far... It flows better, don't you think?"
I didn't really want to comment on that verse, so I kept my eyes on the twins. Soon I was rewarded when a wicked smile crossed George's face as he looked beyond the crowd. I tried to see over the swell of people, but wasn't able to find what he might have been looking at.
"And what," George yelled out into the crowd, "do you think of our former Potions Professor, Severus Snape?"
Hermione looked alarmed for the first time since she'd been dragged up there. Looking around, she tried to hold her tongue, but something was obviously compelling her to speak, 'cause she blurted out:
"Severus Selenius Snape
His sentiment's like a sour grape
It's really a shame
For if he were game
I'd whip out my measuring tape."
Everyone stopped talking at that and looked at Hermione Granger, the ultimate good girl, in a new light. That lasted approximately two seconds before the laughter was even more raucous than before. I could hear a few people calling out for more, but it seemed Hermione had had enough.
"Fred and George Weasley right here
They have found something to fear
Voldemort's just a joke
For when I start to poke
They'll wish they weren't nowhere near!"
That only ratcheted up the laughter another notch, but I could see Fred and George were taking the threat seriously as they backed off very quickly and would have disappeared into the crowd, had a sudden silence not descended right at that moment.
All the guests were seemingly becoming petrified in a wave I didn't understand until I saw a very scary Snape walking toward Hermione. Everyone stopped to watch in horror.
Hermione paled when she spotted Snape and opened her mouth to speak, but once again a verse came out.
"Professor, I didn't mean harm
The chocolates I ate had a charm
I couldn't restrain
There's nothing to gain
But - hey, please let go of my arm!"
Snape looked livid as he reached out, grabbed Hermione and pulled her off the stair. The crowd parted yet again as he pushed her into the kitchen. I caught Harry's eye, and we both followed on Snape's heels; we weren't going to let him do anything to Hermione.
We were ten steps behind them when we entered the kitchen, but the scene that greeted us was worse than expected. Snape was towering threateningly over Hermione, his wand in her face.
Without even thinking, Harry and I shouted "Expelliarmus" before Snape had a chance to open his mouth. His wand flew to the back of the kitchen, taking several pots to the floor as it descended rapidly.
"What do you think you're doing, Snape?" Harry growled without lowering his wand.
Snape straightened to his full height, and turned to survey Harry and me as though we were ignoramuses of the dumbest sort.
"It should be perfectly obvious that I was attempting to cure Miss Granger of her poetic disposition. Shall I continue, or shall I leave her as she is, a rhyming nuisance?"
Harry looked over at Hermione who was biting her lip in what seemed to be a struggle not to say anything. For some reason she looked very flushed.
Harry lowered his wand slowly, but didn't bother summoning Snape's wand for him. Snape curled his lip at him, then dug out his wand from underneath several pots and pans, all without turning his back to us, somehow.
"What's up?" A familial voice said from the doorway. I turned to see Fred, George and Ginny looking half amused, half wary, all of them looking between Harry and Snape as if they were watching the quaffle at a World Cup.
"Everyone's being thick as a brick
All to do with this sick little trick
And poor Mister Snape
Cause I don't have my tape
Else I'd mm mmph mh mm mm mph."
Snape had hastily covered Hermione's mouth with his hand, looking rather flustered. It didn't help that Hermione had gone beet red. Her muffled last line finished, Snape carefully removed his hand, watching her as if she was a cauldron about to explode. Harry and I looked at each other, not sure whether we should be amused or appalled.
Clearing his throat, Snape answered. "I was about to relieve Miss Granger of this affliction when Mister Potter and your brother barged in and assumed I was about to harm Miss Granger not twenty feet from a crowd of people who trust me tenuously at best." He glared at us again, but moved away from Hermione all the same.
"Well," Fred began.
"It's a good thing they didn't let you finish--"
"'Cause this charm only has one antidote, and--"
"We're the only ones who know it," George finished, reaching into his pocket and withdrawing a small bag of what looked like licorice all-sorts.
Snape raised his eyebrow as he sniffed the offered bag, then offered it to Hermione. Looking up at the twins he smirked and asked, "And if I'd cast Finite Incantatum?"
George and Fred smiled evilly. "The lyrics get progressively ruder--"
"And the truth serum gets even stronger."
"They don't contain Veritaserum, do they?" Hermione asked, very relieved that she wasn't speaking in verse anymore.
"Nah," Fred assured her. "It's a brew of our own devising."
"We call it 'Versaserum,'" George added with a smirk.
Hermione rolled her eyes, and there was a general groan from the growing crowd, though Snape was looking at the twins with a shrewd gleam in his eyes.
"You've enchanted chocolates, you say?" Snape asked, and the twins nodded. "How long does the charm last without interference?"
"Oh, about two to three hours," George said, looking wary as Snape started grinning. "Why?"
"It's possible that these chocolates may offer us a tactical advantage, as long as no one else knows of this product?"
Fred and George looked at each other, grinned, then turned back to Snape. "Nope. Tonight was the unveiling."
"Truth be told," Fred added, "We planned this party so we could introduce them properly."
Then Snape smiled. No smirk, no sarcasm, but an honest, happy smile. I think Harry and I must have been wearing the same incredulous expressions, because Hermione pursed her lips and rolled her eyes at us.
"How many chocolates do you have at this moment?"
"About two gross, although most are in the storeroom at work."
Snape smiled again then looked around. When he met Hermione's gaze, she looked confused for a moment, then lit up suddenly and literally started bouncing in her seat.
"There is an expected meeting tonight at the Bentley's Valentine's Day party."
"The Roger Bentley is a Death Eater?" Remus asked in amazement.
Harry snorted, cutting Snape off. "Why would Voldemort have a meeting on Valentine's Day?"
Snape looked at Harry with disgust, then said impatiently, "Because he is a closet romantic, Potter."
I think all of our eyes grew wide for the second it took to realize Snape was just being sarcastic, during which time, Snape sighed heavily. He then turned to Remus and nodded. "Both Roger and Heloise are recent additions." Remus' mouth tightened, and Snape looked him over speculatively before continuing.
"It is not certain he will call a meeting tonight, but it would be a prudent move as almost all of the guests have been marked. Attending the soiree provides not only a location, but also an alibi. Those who are not marked will be Imperioed, as their social stature is such as to provide valuable assistance and inside information.
"As some of you know, the Dark Lord is guarded by dementors, so the guests will be craving chocolate. I imagine I could easily switch the supplies."
"Isn't that really stupid of Voldemort?" Harry asked, reasonably. "I mean, don't most wizards know the signs of a dementor being nearby? It would be easy for the non- Death Eater guests to figure out that something's wrong."
"The dementors aren't going to be waltzing around the ballroom, Potter," Snape barked. "They will be attending Voldemort in a distant wing of the Manor. The effects of the dementors will be minimal and could easily be excused away as nerves due to the war."
"That would be funny to see," Luna said serenly.
"Yeah, but how does it help us, really?" I added, determined to keep my mind on this meeting, and not turn around to smile at Luna.
Snape smiled again, though this time there was a nasty devious edge to it. "The enchantment could prove to be a sufficient distraction for us to prevail in an attack."
"How will we mount an attack?" Bill asked. "I expect Voldemort isn't relying on dementors alone for a defense."
"The defenses will be standard Ministry function wards and charms, seeing as it's a fairly public affair. They don't want to raise any suspicion. It should be easy enough to dismantle."
"How will we know when to attack? We can't just show up at some random point and hope for the best," I added.
"A Protean Charm," Hermione said.
Snape frowned. "I do not think that will work, Miss Granger."
"It should combined with a tracking charmed portkey. We'd give you the master for the protean, then you could let us know when to activate the portkey. We could even charm the portkey objects to activate after a certain amount of time, like ten seconds or so after the protean charm activates!"
There was stunned silence as everyone looked at Hermione.
"Clever," Snape said softly, breaking the silence. "The problem with your plan is that it would look very suspicious for me to activate a charm in the middle of a meeting, even if everyone is in a state of distraction."
"We could make it voice activated, with a keyword or something," Hermione offered.
"And you could do all this?" Snape asked skeptically.
"Of course! Or, at least, I think so. I've read up on all the charms quite extensively, and although I've never actually cast--" She cut off as Snape held up his hand.
"We'll test it out first, shall we?" He said, bringing out a small bit of parchment from his pocket and handing it to Hermione. "Put all the charms on that."
She took the parchment from him, ripped it in half, then cast the charms. When she had cast the last charm she handed back one half to the Professor who raised an eyebrow at her.
"A locator spell?"
"Just in case there are confundus charms or other wards restricting normal portkey access."
"What about the keyword?" he asked.
"Oh, you'll need to cast that yourself, as it will need to recognize your voice. The spell is--"
"Activis vocorum via 'now'." Snape said, then smirked and apparated away with a crack.
Hermione gasped as the parchment started glowing a few seconds later. Suddenly realizing that if this were a trap Hermione would be too valuable to lose, I reached out and snatched the parchment from her. She barely had time to squawk in objection before I felt the pull at my navel and the kitchen vanished.
bonsaibetz posted the first part of hers on the 13th, so I definitely run the risk of not meeting the deadline. (And my apologies to those of you waiting for updates on my other stories. This one just took over, so I had to run with it.) This has not been betaed yet at all (not even DH has read through it), and it's still a little rough (ie: it will change), but I hope you enjoy it anyway. Please let me know what you think.
Title: The St. Valentine's Day Massacre
Rating: General
Warnings: Mild violence, language, and innuendo; HBP complaint -- possible spoilers
Category/Genre: Any
Length: Anything---I prefer it to be complete by the deadline, but a started WIP is acceptable, just please promise me that you'll complete it in a timely manner.
Also, if you choose to do as 100-word drabbles, please follow requirements of the website that you wish to post to.
Pairing: SS/HG
Rating: Any
Deadline: February 28, 2006
Setting: This story may be your choice, AU or HBP compliant, just please label it either way.
Summary:
It's Valentines Day and there are enchanted chocolates around to wreck havoc on one or both of our favorite couple.
The enchantments on the chocolates are up to you, but PLEASE be creative! I mean, even JKR spiked candy with Love Potion in HBP.
The chocolates may be knowingly enchanted or an accident.
They do not have to be a gift exchanged between Hermione and Severus.
However, one or both of them must suffer the consequences of the chocolates.
Requirements:
These items must make an appearance in this story one way or another.
They may be a part of the background or instrumental to the story:
~Flower(s)
~Wine or champagne
~Cupid (Muggle paper version/enchanted, Dwarf in an abbreviated toga, the real one, etc.)
~Poem or Limerick (does not have to be romantic)
Optional:
~Enchanted 'conversation' hearts
~Candles
~a romantic or not-so-romantic bubble bath
The St. Valentine's Day Massacre
by averygoodun
It all started innocently enough. Well, as innocently as any of Fred or George's pranks tend to be. Well, okay, if I'm completely honest, it started well before that day. I guess it started when Dad, Remus, Kingsley and Hermione tried to convince Harry and me that Snape had been the one sending those notes. You know, the notes giving us tips about the horcruxes, and warnings about attacks.
In the end, it was Hermione who convinced me, and that left me to convince Harry. He took that really well. In the days after that confrontation it was just a little tense between the two of us, and I took out my frustration on Hermione.
Yeah, I was a prat. I see that now.
Anyway, it took a while, but eventually Harry and I worked out our differences, but unfortunately, that happened at the expense of Hermione. See, by that time Snape had started coming round in person. Since Harry and I weren't exactly keen on talking with him, or even looking at his ugly mug, that left Hermione to be the go between.
Of course, at the time, neither Harry nor I saw it that way. We saw Hermione willingly consorting with the greasy git, choosing his company over ours. We saw it as a betrayal of the worst sort.
It's kind of ironic that it was Snape who brought us together again. He wasn't very nice about it either, but that wasn't a surprise to anyone. So, we all forgave each other and became friends again, but it wasn't the same. Harry and I did feel bad about the way we treated Hermione, and we were very sorry, but Hermione... Well, she had every right to be less open with us. Me especially. I knew there was no chance of us rekindling our romance. I'd ruined that for good.
So, I guess it's fair to say that everything that happened afterward was my fault. Yeah, the twins had a share of the blame, but they never would have played their prank on Hermione if they hadn't had to listen to me moping about ruining a good thing for weeks on end.
Valentine's Day weekend came around kind of suddenly. We had just found the last missing horcrux and destroyed it the week before, and, frankly, we were tired. Harry was constantly in training with Remus, Kingsley and Moody, while Hermione was making yet another good faith effort to read every book ever written on defense against the dark arts. I admit that Snape did help out there, loaning Hermione some truly scary books that were super useful.
We were also nervous. With all but one horcrux destroyed, the final confrontation loomed in all our minds, Harry's especially. Fred and George decided that what we all needed was a good party. Valentine's Day was the perfect excuse.
I wasn't too keen on their plan, seeing as it was just another reminder of what I'd messed up, and Hermione didn't seem too thrilled either. I assumed it was for the same reason, but I wasn't about to ask. Harry, however, was enthusiastic. Ginny had accosted him with a sickening display of hugs and kisses when we got back to the Burrow after the last mission, and she hadn't really let him go since. As much as Harry tried to protest that it wasn't safe, and she would be better off far away from him, we all could see he was pretty tickled at the attention she was giving him. Even mum and dad were seen exchanging sly smiles whenever they caught the two of them in each other's arms.
So Harry was thrilled with the idea of actually having something to celebrate. Fred and George refused to discuss their plans with anyone, besides mum, but they kept giving me ominous cheery winks for the entire week beforehand.
Not a great confidence builder, that.
The party started at seven, but I decided to be fashionably late. Okay, I was avoiding going down and seeing Hermione standing around stonily, shooting me angry glances all night. By the time I got downstairs it seemed like all the members of the Order we knew about were there. Remus and Tonks hung out by fireplace, barely managing to keep their hands off one another. Remus kept whispering in Tonks' ear, and she'd keep looking at the flowers on the mantle and giggling.
Hoping to distract myself, I looked around the room and saw Harry and Ginny not managing to keep their hands off each other. Feeling slightly ill, I looked around again and smiled. Neville and Luna were by the drinks, looking around the room in a shy manner. Just what I needed: a chance to play genial host.
"Neville," I shouted across the room. I saw him start, then relax and smile as he saw me making my way to them.
When I was before them, I don't know what took hold, but instead of just smiling and saying 'hi' to Luna like I planned, I bowed to her, took her hand and kissed it.
"Luna, it was good of you to come." I had no idea what was coming out of my mouth, and it must have shown, because Luna smiled and said in her vague way, "You're very different away from school. Are you ill?"
That's the great thing about Luna, she cuts through any ice without even thinking about it. I couldn't help laughing.
"I'm glad you decided to come, Luna! I've missed your quirky style." I'd said it intending to assure her I wasn't laughing at her, but I didn't expect her to blush and look away. I also didn't expect the slight tightening of my stomach in response. Not wanting to make Luna feel awkward by staring at her, I turned to Neville and asked how the winter was going for him.
We chatted for a few minutes, but then he caught sight of Ginny (who had detached herself from Harry for a few blissful moments), and wandered off to talk to her. Luna and I said good-bye to him, then looked at each other; for once both of us were at a loss for something to say.
"Er, so... How are the Crumple Horn Snorkhacks this time of year?" I said, wondering what outrageous story she'd regale me with.
She laughed prettily. "Oh, I don't know. My dad's research on them kind of fizzled out, what with Voldemort coming back and all," she said blandly.
I gasped and looked at her, awed by her use of Voldemort's name. Besides Dumbledore, Harry and Hermione, I didn't know anyone else who didn't shudder at the name.
She frowned, seemingly offended. "Well, his time has been taken up with reporting on more relevant articles, like the way Death Eaters are systematically terrorizing Muggle tea shops across the Orkneys with biting teacups and insulting teapots. It's really atrocious, and since the Prophet isn't letting the public know..."
"No," I laughed, understanding her train of thought. My laughing didn't help matters at all, as she withdrew into her normal dreamy look. I touched her shoulder, trying to bring her back. "No, Luna, you misunderstood me. I was shocked, and impressed, that you said You-Know- erm, V-voldemort's name so easily. As you can tell, I still haven't gotten used to it."
She looked back up at me, eyes clearing, and smiled. "Oh," was all she said, but it felt as if she had just offered me an entire lecture on who she was. I didn't really understand what was happening, but I liked the feeling.
I didn't know what to say, but as I looked at Luna, it suddenly felt as if I didn't need to say anything. In that look we accepted each other as we were, no pretenses. It was the most peaceful I'd felt in a long time and it brought with it a sense of contentment I'd been missing.
Movement out of the corner of my eye caught my attention, and looking up, I saw Hermione staring at us. I turned to smile at her, and Merlin, it hurt to see her expression. She stood there, stone still, drink in hand, and her mouth opened just slightly in shock. Her eyes... She looked like I'd betrayed her yet again. Before I could move or say anything, though, she shook herself and offered a false smile before wandering off in the opposite direction.
"She probably thought you were flirting with me." Luna's soft voice brought my attention back to her. I slowly shook my head, feeling my head start to pound. That look was why I hadn't wanted to come down in the first place.
"We- we aren't seeing each other anymore. Haven't for a couple of months," I admitted finally. I thought I saw a fleeting smile cross Luna's face, but then her expression turned somber.
"Oh." I was surprised that her one syllable word implying that she knew more about the situation than I did annoyed me less than when Hermione used that same tone.
"Oh?"
She smiled. "She's disappointed, is all. She'll get over it eventually. I expect she already has, but doesn't want to admit it yet."
Confused, I looked over my shoulder at Hermione, then back to Luna. "Eh?" Luna just smiled dreamily and offered me a drink.
I was surprised how quickly an hour passed by while chatting with Luna. Before I knew it, Fred and George were calling for everyone's attention from the stairs.
"Ladies and gentlemen! Now that we have your attention, we would like to introduce you to our lovely assistant, Hermione Granger!"
Everyone in the crowd, myself included, looked a little stunned that Hermione would assist them in anything, but we all clapped dutifully. Our doubts faded somewhat as George pulled a very reluctant, and very angry, Hermione up onto the staircase. I almost felt sorry for Fred and George because, by the look of it, Hermione was going to hex them from here till Sunday after everything was done.
"She doesn't look very pleased," Luna said softly, pointing out the obvious. I tore my eyes off the scene for a moment to glance at Luna. She was gazing up at Hermione with a detached interest.
Looking back at Hermione, I replied, "Nah, she looks positively--" I cut off as Fred started a spiel.
"Now Hermione," Fred said, ignoring the death glare he was receiving from both Hermione and Mum, "this party is supposed to be about lightening up a little, and relaxing, but we were wondering if you would be willing to tell us again what you think about You-Know-Who and his followers."
Hermione shot him another look of loathing, but I could see her mouth twitching like it does when she doesn't want to smile.
"The Dark Lord and his following corps," Hermione started in a singsong tone,
"Are foolish in rehashing the lore
That pure is the best
But is ready to test
The whole world will ignore his clogged pores."
There was stunned silence for about three seconds, then everybody in the room started howling with laughter. Over the din, I could barely make out George saying, "And what, Hermione, do you think of Ron, really?"
The crowd quieted down just in time for them to hear my name, so of course everyone swiveled round to look at me. I saw Hermione glower at the twins, then close her eyes and sigh one of her fake long suffering sighs. I could only guess what she was going to say.
"Ronald Weasley is far from complex
But to some girl he'll be their vertex
His kissing's like tar
Though he'll not stray far
But he's not one with whom I'd have sex!"
This time, the crowd didn't hesitate over laughing. I felt my ears go red, but I tried to look like I was enjoying the jibe as much as possible. It was, after all, far better than what she could have said.
"The rhythm wasn't quite right with that one," Luna sighed. "It would have been better if she'd said, 'His kissing's like tar/ and his reach is quite far... It flows better, don't you think?"
I didn't really want to comment on that verse, so I kept my eyes on the twins. Soon I was rewarded when a wicked smile crossed George's face as he looked beyond the crowd. I tried to see over the swell of people, but wasn't able to find what he might have been looking at.
"And what," George yelled out into the crowd, "do you think of our former Potions Professor, Severus Snape?"
Hermione looked alarmed for the first time since she'd been dragged up there. Looking around, she tried to hold her tongue, but something was obviously compelling her to speak, 'cause she blurted out:
"Severus Selenius Snape
His sentiment's like a sour grape
It's really a shame
For if he were game
I'd whip out my measuring tape."
Everyone stopped talking at that and looked at Hermione Granger, the ultimate good girl, in a new light. That lasted approximately two seconds before the laughter was even more raucous than before. I could hear a few people calling out for more, but it seemed Hermione had had enough.
"Fred and George Weasley right here
They have found something to fear
Voldemort's just a joke
For when I start to poke
They'll wish they weren't nowhere near!"
That only ratcheted up the laughter another notch, but I could see Fred and George were taking the threat seriously as they backed off very quickly and would have disappeared into the crowd, had a sudden silence not descended right at that moment.
All the guests were seemingly becoming petrified in a wave I didn't understand until I saw a very scary Snape walking toward Hermione. Everyone stopped to watch in horror.
Hermione paled when she spotted Snape and opened her mouth to speak, but once again a verse came out.
"Professor, I didn't mean harm
The chocolates I ate had a charm
I couldn't restrain
There's nothing to gain
But - hey, please let go of my arm!"
Snape looked livid as he reached out, grabbed Hermione and pulled her off the stair. The crowd parted yet again as he pushed her into the kitchen. I caught Harry's eye, and we both followed on Snape's heels; we weren't going to let him do anything to Hermione.
We were ten steps behind them when we entered the kitchen, but the scene that greeted us was worse than expected. Snape was towering threateningly over Hermione, his wand in her face.
Without even thinking, Harry and I shouted "Expelliarmus" before Snape had a chance to open his mouth. His wand flew to the back of the kitchen, taking several pots to the floor as it descended rapidly.
"What do you think you're doing, Snape?" Harry growled without lowering his wand.
Snape straightened to his full height, and turned to survey Harry and me as though we were ignoramuses of the dumbest sort.
"It should be perfectly obvious that I was attempting to cure Miss Granger of her poetic disposition. Shall I continue, or shall I leave her as she is, a rhyming nuisance?"
Harry looked over at Hermione who was biting her lip in what seemed to be a struggle not to say anything. For some reason she looked very flushed.
Harry lowered his wand slowly, but didn't bother summoning Snape's wand for him. Snape curled his lip at him, then dug out his wand from underneath several pots and pans, all without turning his back to us, somehow.
"What's up?" A familial voice said from the doorway. I turned to see Fred, George and Ginny looking half amused, half wary, all of them looking between Harry and Snape as if they were watching the quaffle at a World Cup.
"Everyone's being thick as a brick
All to do with this sick little trick
And poor Mister Snape
Cause I don't have my tape
Else I'd mm mmph mh mm mm mph."
Snape had hastily covered Hermione's mouth with his hand, looking rather flustered. It didn't help that Hermione had gone beet red. Her muffled last line finished, Snape carefully removed his hand, watching her as if she was a cauldron about to explode. Harry and I looked at each other, not sure whether we should be amused or appalled.
Clearing his throat, Snape answered. "I was about to relieve Miss Granger of this affliction when Mister Potter and your brother barged in and assumed I was about to harm Miss Granger not twenty feet from a crowd of people who trust me tenuously at best." He glared at us again, but moved away from Hermione all the same.
"Well," Fred began.
"It's a good thing they didn't let you finish--"
"'Cause this charm only has one antidote, and--"
"We're the only ones who know it," George finished, reaching into his pocket and withdrawing a small bag of what looked like licorice all-sorts.
Snape raised his eyebrow as he sniffed the offered bag, then offered it to Hermione. Looking up at the twins he smirked and asked, "And if I'd cast Finite Incantatum?"
George and Fred smiled evilly. "The lyrics get progressively ruder--"
"And the truth serum gets even stronger."
"They don't contain Veritaserum, do they?" Hermione asked, very relieved that she wasn't speaking in verse anymore.
"Nah," Fred assured her. "It's a brew of our own devising."
"We call it 'Versaserum,'" George added with a smirk.
Hermione rolled her eyes, and there was a general groan from the growing crowd, though Snape was looking at the twins with a shrewd gleam in his eyes.
"You've enchanted chocolates, you say?" Snape asked, and the twins nodded. "How long does the charm last without interference?"
"Oh, about two to three hours," George said, looking wary as Snape started grinning. "Why?"
"It's possible that these chocolates may offer us a tactical advantage, as long as no one else knows of this product?"
Fred and George looked at each other, grinned, then turned back to Snape. "Nope. Tonight was the unveiling."
"Truth be told," Fred added, "We planned this party so we could introduce them properly."
Then Snape smiled. No smirk, no sarcasm, but an honest, happy smile. I think Harry and I must have been wearing the same incredulous expressions, because Hermione pursed her lips and rolled her eyes at us.
"How many chocolates do you have at this moment?"
"About two gross, although most are in the storeroom at work."
Snape smiled again then looked around. When he met Hermione's gaze, she looked confused for a moment, then lit up suddenly and literally started bouncing in her seat.
"There is an expected meeting tonight at the Bentley's Valentine's Day party."
"The Roger Bentley is a Death Eater?" Remus asked in amazement.
Harry snorted, cutting Snape off. "Why would Voldemort have a meeting on Valentine's Day?"
Snape looked at Harry with disgust, then said impatiently, "Because he is a closet romantic, Potter."
I think all of our eyes grew wide for the second it took to realize Snape was just being sarcastic, during which time, Snape sighed heavily. He then turned to Remus and nodded. "Both Roger and Heloise are recent additions." Remus' mouth tightened, and Snape looked him over speculatively before continuing.
"It is not certain he will call a meeting tonight, but it would be a prudent move as almost all of the guests have been marked. Attending the soiree provides not only a location, but also an alibi. Those who are not marked will be Imperioed, as their social stature is such as to provide valuable assistance and inside information.
"As some of you know, the Dark Lord is guarded by dementors, so the guests will be craving chocolate. I imagine I could easily switch the supplies."
"Isn't that really stupid of Voldemort?" Harry asked, reasonably. "I mean, don't most wizards know the signs of a dementor being nearby? It would be easy for the non- Death Eater guests to figure out that something's wrong."
"The dementors aren't going to be waltzing around the ballroom, Potter," Snape barked. "They will be attending Voldemort in a distant wing of the Manor. The effects of the dementors will be minimal and could easily be excused away as nerves due to the war."
"That would be funny to see," Luna said serenly.
"Yeah, but how does it help us, really?" I added, determined to keep my mind on this meeting, and not turn around to smile at Luna.
Snape smiled again, though this time there was a nasty devious edge to it. "The enchantment could prove to be a sufficient distraction for us to prevail in an attack."
"How will we mount an attack?" Bill asked. "I expect Voldemort isn't relying on dementors alone for a defense."
"The defenses will be standard Ministry function wards and charms, seeing as it's a fairly public affair. They don't want to raise any suspicion. It should be easy enough to dismantle."
"How will we know when to attack? We can't just show up at some random point and hope for the best," I added.
"A Protean Charm," Hermione said.
Snape frowned. "I do not think that will work, Miss Granger."
"It should combined with a tracking charmed portkey. We'd give you the master for the protean, then you could let us know when to activate the portkey. We could even charm the portkey objects to activate after a certain amount of time, like ten seconds or so after the protean charm activates!"
There was stunned silence as everyone looked at Hermione.
"Clever," Snape said softly, breaking the silence. "The problem with your plan is that it would look very suspicious for me to activate a charm in the middle of a meeting, even if everyone is in a state of distraction."
"We could make it voice activated, with a keyword or something," Hermione offered.
"And you could do all this?" Snape asked skeptically.
"Of course! Or, at least, I think so. I've read up on all the charms quite extensively, and although I've never actually cast--" She cut off as Snape held up his hand.
"We'll test it out first, shall we?" He said, bringing out a small bit of parchment from his pocket and handing it to Hermione. "Put all the charms on that."
She took the parchment from him, ripped it in half, then cast the charms. When she had cast the last charm she handed back one half to the Professor who raised an eyebrow at her.
"A locator spell?"
"Just in case there are confundus charms or other wards restricting normal portkey access."
"What about the keyword?" he asked.
"Oh, you'll need to cast that yourself, as it will need to recognize your voice. The spell is--"
"Activis vocorum via 'now'." Snape said, then smirked and apparated away with a crack.
Hermione gasped as the parchment started glowing a few seconds later. Suddenly realizing that if this were a trap Hermione would be too valuable to lose, I reached out and snatched the parchment from her. She barely had time to squawk in objection before I felt the pull at my navel and the kitchen vanished.
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