averygoodun42 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
averygoodun42) wrote2013-02-21 09:31 pm
averygoodun42) wrote2013-02-21 09:31 pm
Of course. And stuff.
We have such shit timing...
So, Page was called into the vice principal's office today for hitting another kid. He did apologize to the kid, he briefly explained what happened to me over the phone (from the veep's office) and when he came home he was as sweet as could be until he took something I said the wrong way and assumed I meant I didn't like him (the conversation was about my troubles, and how I wasn't going to talk about them with him as it's just not appropriate. I said I talked about those things with friends. His face crumpled). I explained to him what I meant (he's my son first, then my friend), which took about ten to fifteen minutes of crying for him to accept enough to come back down to me.
And then he bawled - straight-up bawled - for ten minutes after crawling onto my lap with an apology for being so mean to me.
OMG. My poor, poor son!
Before the meltdown happened, I managed to get a fairly detailed story of what happened today. There wasn't any of his usual grandstanding or embellishments, so I think he was telling (his version of) the truth.
This is my letter to his teacher in response to what he told me:
2/21/13
Mrs. [Redacted],
[Page] described today's situation as being that before you left the room, you instructed him, [Page], to open the door to Mrs. ----s' classroom. [Kid A] thought you'd told him, [Kid A], to do it, and they got into a possessive tussle over who was going to open the door. (I witnessed something similar the other week at [after-school]'s putting-away time. [Page] would just not let go of a couple of Legos that he wanted to put away, and neither would the other kid.)
Obviously, [Page] needs to figure out better ways to interact with his peers, especially in confrontational situations. I have also been trying to get him to grasp the concept of personal accountability, but that's a tough one even for some adults.
However, he described [Kid A] as a bully. [Page] claims that [Kid A] and some other kids have been calling him names (“pughead,” “butt face,” “liar”) and maliciously ignoring him (my phrase; he said, “They don't listen to me. I'll go up and ask if they want to play and they just walk away without saying anything”), and given that Gareth hasn't acted up this year until recently, and has been showing all the signs of depression and anxiety in the same time period, I'm inclined to believe him that something deeper is going on, if not actual bullying.
He says this has only been going on for a week and a half, which doesn't exactly give weight to his accusations as he's been moody for much longer, but he also doesn't have the greatest sense of time ever.
What I do know for sure is that he feels super lonely and isolated at school. He's said he doesn't want to go back to school, and has tried to get out of it whenever possible. He has even started to shy away from attending [after-school], which is even more worrisome to me as he adores Mrs. S. I know that we adults can't force friendships or even friendly acquaintance-ships on kids, and I wouldn't endorse a program that forces anyone to play with people they don't like in their free time, but surely there is something we can do? Beyond setting up an appointment with a counselor (set for Apr. 2 @[center]) to help him deal with his moods and behaviors and talking with you, Mr. P and perhaps the school psychologist, I don't know what to do.
He is miserable. He has said that he'd rather die than go back to school on more than one occasion this month. I think that's mostly eight-year-old hyperbole, but the dread and anxiety are obviously very real. He really, really doesn't want to be “the bad kid.” And I know no one there wants that, either. So how about we set up a time to talk about this before anything gets out of hand.
Thanks,
Anything I should add? Take out? Rephrase?
I'm thinking that the school's response to this (second) letter (including how quickly they do respond - vacation is next week) will determine whether I look into some of the charter schools around. I don't really want to pull Page out of the neighborhood school, but third grade is the beginning of the truly vicious behaviors, and he's different enough to be a target.
*sigh* God, this has been a fairly shitty fortnight. And, to top it off, tomorrow I have what's looking to be a difficult test. And then a three hour make-up lab. But at least then the week is over. I will only have to catch up on cooking, cleaning and shoveling (another snow dump is scheduled for Sunday). Yay.
So, Page was called into the vice principal's office today for hitting another kid. He did apologize to the kid, he briefly explained what happened to me over the phone (from the veep's office) and when he came home he was as sweet as could be until he took something I said the wrong way and assumed I meant I didn't like him (the conversation was about my troubles, and how I wasn't going to talk about them with him as it's just not appropriate. I said I talked about those things with friends. His face crumpled). I explained to him what I meant (he's my son first, then my friend), which took about ten to fifteen minutes of crying for him to accept enough to come back down to me.
And then he bawled - straight-up bawled - for ten minutes after crawling onto my lap with an apology for being so mean to me.
OMG. My poor, poor son!
Before the meltdown happened, I managed to get a fairly detailed story of what happened today. There wasn't any of his usual grandstanding or embellishments, so I think he was telling (his version of) the truth.
This is my letter to his teacher in response to what he told me:
2/21/13
Mrs. [Redacted],
[Page] described today's situation as being that before you left the room, you instructed him, [Page], to open the door to Mrs. ----s' classroom. [Kid A] thought you'd told him, [Kid A], to do it, and they got into a possessive tussle over who was going to open the door. (I witnessed something similar the other week at [after-school]'s putting-away time. [Page] would just not let go of a couple of Legos that he wanted to put away, and neither would the other kid.)
Obviously, [Page] needs to figure out better ways to interact with his peers, especially in confrontational situations. I have also been trying to get him to grasp the concept of personal accountability, but that's a tough one even for some adults.
However, he described [Kid A] as a bully. [Page] claims that [Kid A] and some other kids have been calling him names (“pughead,” “butt face,” “liar”) and maliciously ignoring him (my phrase; he said, “They don't listen to me. I'll go up and ask if they want to play and they just walk away without saying anything”), and given that Gareth hasn't acted up this year until recently, and has been showing all the signs of depression and anxiety in the same time period, I'm inclined to believe him that something deeper is going on, if not actual bullying.
He says this has only been going on for a week and a half, which doesn't exactly give weight to his accusations as he's been moody for much longer, but he also doesn't have the greatest sense of time ever.
What I do know for sure is that he feels super lonely and isolated at school. He's said he doesn't want to go back to school, and has tried to get out of it whenever possible. He has even started to shy away from attending [after-school], which is even more worrisome to me as he adores Mrs. S. I know that we adults can't force friendships or even friendly acquaintance-ships on kids, and I wouldn't endorse a program that forces anyone to play with people they don't like in their free time, but surely there is something we can do? Beyond setting up an appointment with a counselor (set for Apr. 2 @[center]) to help him deal with his moods and behaviors and talking with you, Mr. P and perhaps the school psychologist, I don't know what to do.
He is miserable. He has said that he'd rather die than go back to school on more than one occasion this month. I think that's mostly eight-year-old hyperbole, but the dread and anxiety are obviously very real. He really, really doesn't want to be “the bad kid.” And I know no one there wants that, either. So how about we set up a time to talk about this before anything gets out of hand.
Thanks,
Anything I should add? Take out? Rephrase?
I'm thinking that the school's response to this (second) letter (including how quickly they do respond - vacation is next week) will determine whether I look into some of the charter schools around. I don't really want to pull Page out of the neighborhood school, but third grade is the beginning of the truly vicious behaviors, and he's different enough to be a target.
*sigh* God, this has been a fairly shitty fortnight. And, to top it off, tomorrow I have what's looking to be a difficult test. And then a three hour make-up lab. But at least then the week is over. I will only have to catch up on cooking, cleaning and shoveling (another snow dump is scheduled for Sunday). Yay.