averygoodun42: (Default)
Or something like that, anyway.

Last month, before my raised dose of anti-depressants had kicked in, I was feeling pretty damned despondent. Things were not looking good on most fronts. Geoff's company continues to struggle (think muffled kicking and screaming as it gets dragged down to the river), the near daily political assaults of our dear leader's cabinet picks, an atrocious period (bad PMDD and debilitating cramps? w00t!), and other stuff was pushing me to the floor, making sure it was digging its spurs in deep as it kicked me as I fell.

So, I finally cracked open my "new" tarot deck (from last summer? Yeah. Birthday present to myself 2015), and asked a question.

The answer wasn't really a direct answer to my question (which I should have known better than to expect), but basically said: you're in a truly shitty place right now, but if you follow your dreams, everything will better than okay eventually.

It also hinted at having to move.


I'm now on the maximum dose of my current meds, and that makes life so much better despite everything else still being a shitstorm of nastiness.

But what I've noticed is that I do really, truly fear what is about to happen to this country and the world. But unlike before the election, when it was a threat, but a seemingly impossible threat, now it's sinking in that, yes, life as we know it is ending. That's not to say that life itself is ending (necessarily, though that's certainly not out of the question given our dear leader's cabinet), but we're about to go through a massive, massive period of turmoil on all fronts.

But, it's interesting. Because my fears are coming to pass, I'm becoming more proactive about doing things that make me happy. Like, I went and bought a decent keyboard and am teaching myself to play again. It was justified in my mind as a tool to help Page with his saxophone, which it is, but it's also something I've been really wanting to do for a long, long while now (if I'd saved $2 every month for the time I've wanted this, I would have been able to buy a new Roland).

I'm also learning French, and dragging Page along with me, because being monolingual in today's world (and our circumstances) is stupid. (French is the language Page chose.) And being stupid does NOT make me happy.

I'm looking forward to seeing my rheumatologist so as to work with her on how to get myself exercising without huge amounts of pain or injury so as to get strength back (and maybe help my hips from clicking, and my back from constantly hurting).

And all this has nothing to do with any new year's resolutions. It's just impulses brought on by an inner drive. No, my resolutions are of the pragmatic "you need to do this, so just do it NOW" variety - everything that I'm not looking forward to doing. And there's plenty, like really digging in to the business aspects of my art (I still have to storyboard and record a video for my Patreon launch... bleh), planning out what to do if Geoff's job doesn't continue, resisting the oligarchy on the energy I have left over from daily struggles, etc., but I'm hoping I will be able to maintain this momentum to enjoy the moments I have left to enjoy in the life I currently lead. Because I really don't know how long we have left to lead it.

And to be clear, I have no plans or even ideas of physically dying. Any death I'm obliquely referring to is metaphorical. I hope. Because I'm privileged enough not to have to fear for my life, or the life of my family.
averygoodun42: (Default)
On the plus side, at least I still have electricity. Not only can I come on here and complain, but I can also use my electric kettle (or a pot on my electric stove) to heat up water.

Which is more than I can say for my water heater.

And I had so hoped that tax return could go toward paying off our debt, but no. Windfalls are invariably met with emergencies around here.

Invariably.
averygoodun42: (Default)
What I want to do: watch (the entire) season 3 of West Wing.

What I have to do:

Read more... )

And I thought this was going to be an easy semester. Ach well (she died).
averygoodun42: (Default)
The government shutdown is over! Yay! And it will remain open for a whole... 90 days... yay?

*rolls eyes*

Bureaucracies are such a pain. And it's even more of a pain when they're close to home.

Church botherall )

Anyway. That's my little bugbear of the evening. I'm upset that I'm finding this church has turned into a church I'm not happy to be a member of, because, well, it's where all my friends go. And it felt so much like home when I first joined...

I'm not going to be cutting my ties to it as both Geoff and Page have too much invested in it for me to do so at this point, but I do hope that the new minister, after he or she gets established, will encourage and allow the church to relax into something a little lot less dogmatic and fearful.

*flails*

Jul. 9th, 2013 07:02 pm
averygoodun42: (Default)
OhgodOhgodOhgodOhgodOhgodOhgodOhgodOhgodOhgodOhgodOhgodOhgodOhgodOhgodOhgodOhgod...

I am so screwed.

I just took the practice algebra test, and I got 41%. Functions and graphing kicked my butt to the door and into the gutter. (I shouldn't count the questions on complex numbers as I haven't reviewed that material yet, but needless to say that added to my miserable outcome.)

The worst bit is that some of the answers really confuse me. Like, why is 2+x+y a factor of 4-(x+y)^2? I do not understand that. At all.

And how does (3(-1)^n-1)/2^n create the geometric sequence 3/2, -3/4, 3/8? Got it. Never mind.

(I also really, really need to review sequencing of all ilks. Only learned sigma's meaning today. Yikes.)

I am so, so screwed.

*meebbles*
averygoodun42: (snape)
We have such shit timing...

So, Page was called into the vice principal's office today for hitting another kid. He did apologize to the kid, he briefly explained what happened to me over the phone (from the veep's office) and when he came home he was as sweet as could be until he took something I said the wrong way and assumed I meant I didn't like him (the conversation was about my troubles, and how I wasn't going to talk about them with him as it's just not appropriate. I said I talked about those things with friends. His face crumpled). I explained to him what I meant (he's my son first, then my friend), which took about ten to fifteen minutes of crying for him to accept enough to come back down to me.

And then he bawled - straight-up bawled - for ten minutes after crawling onto my lap with an apology for being so mean to me.

OMG. My poor, poor son!

Before the meltdown happened, I managed to get a fairly detailed story of what happened today. There wasn't any of his usual grandstanding or embellishments, so I think he was telling (his version of) the truth.

This is my letter to his teacher in response to what he told me:

Another long letter to the teacher. Oh. Yay. )


Anything I should add? Take out? Rephrase?

I'm thinking that the school's response to this (second) letter (including how quickly they do respond - vacation is next week) will determine whether I look into some of the charter schools around. I don't really want to pull Page out of the neighborhood school, but third grade is the beginning of the truly vicious behaviors, and he's different enough to be a target.

*sigh* God, this has been a fairly shitty fortnight. And, to top it off, tomorrow I have what's looking to be a difficult test. And then a three hour make-up lab. But at least then the week is over. I will only have to catch up on cooking, cleaning and shoveling (another snow dump is scheduled for Sunday). Yay.
averygoodun42: (Default)
What am I to do with you?

How can I (or anybody else) help you if you won't talk about what's wrong?

I love you, but I despair of you, too.
averygoodun42: (Help me Obi-Wan)
Fuck this past decade, actually. Even if it has been a relatively good one for me.

Here's an interesting article about mass shootings in the US, however (with a quick aside about one of the author's points here). What's most interesting is how unclear the answer to this violence is.

Well, except for better mental health care. That seems patently obvious. And perhaps a good, long look at the national psyche itself. The individuals committing these heinous crimes are not a product of themselves alone, after all. Despite what Individualists will have you believe.

*shakes head*

I'm tempted to go pick Page up from after-school just so I can hug him. But on the other hand, school (and his incredibly upbeat after-school teachers) might be a better place for him right now.

But... I truly can't fathom how someone could do that (the killing of the kids, that is). The why, I actually can (though my hypothetical reasons are probably not the killer's reasons, i.e. killing as a matter of [really fucked-up, ill-thought-out] compassion), but not the how.

As I said, fuck today.

Bwahahaha!

May. 10th, 2012 10:16 am
averygoodun42: (snape)
The lucrative, starry affair is bringing attention to Obama's show business ties just as his campaign is fending off criticism that he's more pop culture hotshot than effective statesman. A recent ad from the pro-GOP super PAC American Crossroads mocked Obama as a "celebrity president" (link)

But Ronald Reagan, the hero of Republicans everywhere, wasn't?

Granted, it has been said lately that Reagan wouldn't get elected nowadays as his positions (socially and fiscally) were far too moderate. Which is just... horrible.

*sigh*

On the plus side, Romney is a fairly moderate Republican for today's standards (according to his governing record), so the country won't be completely fucked if he wins. Only a little more so than if Obama wins, really.

Except, of course, for the LBGT community. They'll be completely screwed. (Not to mention women...) :-/
averygoodun42: (About to Blow up)
Or: Why the masses get what they deserve...

"Only 46 percent of voters realized that the amendment would ban civil unions for gay couples as well as marriage, according to a Public Policy Polling poll. A majority of North Carolina voters support civil unions."
averygoodun42: (Help me Obi-Wan)
This disturbs me.

What's that line? A free society is one where it is safe to be unpopular?

Yes, there are social norms we all should adhere to, and amongst those social norms are filtering out what we say to whom we say it, but... The fact that there was a serious question of whether to punish him for making a statement of (unpopular) opinion was worrisome. The fact he was punished (after apologizing) is scary.

This is the same reason that I'm glad Rush Limbaugh's show was not cancelled by whoever it is that airs it after the Fluke debacle. He is execrable, and I sure as hell wish no one listened to him, but he does have the right to spew that trash into the airwaves as long as the station cares to support him. (Which is why petitioning the advertisers was rather ingenious. Yes, it's only a degree of separation from what the Marlins have done, but it's a rather important degree.)

Fuck.

Apr. 5th, 2012 10:06 am
averygoodun42: (Default)
He's suspended for the day.
averygoodun42: (Default)
Page got sent home for making kids cry by talking about bombs and shooting them and...

First kid's counselor who has an opening is getting our business, 'cause fuck waiting till April!

On the plus side, he was pretending he was a bomb defuser, so that's good, right? The shooting of classmates isn't good anyway we look at it, though...

The other, more selfish, plus side is that the call, picking up Geoff, meeting with the administration and dropping off of Geoff and Page at home only made me five minutes late to class. Where I think I did well on the test, though probably not 100% I think this teacher may have a thing against giving 100%s (just got back the homework assignments, where I got 96% and 95%, the latter being a somewhat unreasonable markdown, in my opinion.)

Ach well. Tea will be had. Birthday cake will be resisted. But at least Page is being uber sweet right now, as he always is after he's been told he's been very naughty.
averygoodun42: (Default)
Page wanted to go to the book fair today (and yesterday, too, but that's irrelevant). Since he was on yellow, instead of the reds of the previous days, Geoff and I said, "Sure," pointing out that we weren't going to buy anything today as not one of us had any money on us.

Inside the library, where the book fair was set up, Page showed us what he was drooling over (a Star Wars book... which would have been better had it not been Lego-ed). I looked around for a little bit till my leg gave out, and then Geoff continued to kid-wrangle.

As I sat on the bench, with my back to the fair, there entered one of Page's classmates, L. How did L introduce Page to his mom? "This is Page. He's the one who's always bad at school."

Granted, there was an element of awe in there, but...

Read more... )

Anyway, point is I hate having a kid who's just as much of a social misfit as I ever was. Different kind of misfit (mostly), but... Not that there was much of a chance of his keeping his innate skills in the face of such parentage. *pouts*

I'm done

Dec. 21st, 2010 02:17 pm
averygoodun42: (Default)
Merry fucking Christmas, everyone.

I don't know if I'll be around much before Christmas (as this week just keeps getting better and better). I'm only barely holding it together now.

But I truly do wish you and yours every joy and happiness. And may your holidays be a hell of a lot better than mine are shaping up to be.

Not that that would be difficult to accomplish.

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