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Day 26 – Your fears
Sep. 30th, 2010 06:45 pmPoverty/dependence is probably the top one. It's been growing out of control lately what with all the news about how unfriendly a country this really is - that combined with our rapidly expanding expenses - and how dependence means relying on Christian charities, because no one else seemingly gives a fuck. That would constitute a personal betrayal so deep that I might rather die. Though I would do it for Babe. Probably.
Granted that it will never get to that point in my parents' lifetime, but still. I'm 32 (and Geoff is older still), and having to go to my parents for money to pay the bills is humiliating. And humiliation is another great fear. Embarrassment literally causes me pain. It might start out in my head, but that vicious creature Depression loves embarrassment as a food source. Humiliation is a delicacy.
And then there's the fear that I am alone in the world. That no one likes me. No one cares. We are not all connected, and nothing and no one is going to save me but me, and how can I do that when even my body betrays me? This is the fear that defines me and directs my actions.
If you're after phobias, though, I don't know. I come close to phobic where phoning/speaking out is concerned, but it's more anxiety than fear. But that's about it.
Granted that it will never get to that point in my parents' lifetime, but still. I'm 32 (and Geoff is older still), and having to go to my parents for money to pay the bills is humiliating. And humiliation is another great fear. Embarrassment literally causes me pain. It might start out in my head, but that vicious creature Depression loves embarrassment as a food source. Humiliation is a delicacy.
And then there's the fear that I am alone in the world. That no one likes me. No one cares. We are not all connected, and nothing and no one is going to save me but me, and how can I do that when even my body betrays me? This is the fear that defines me and directs my actions.
If you're after phobias, though, I don't know. I come close to phobic where phoning/speaking out is concerned, but it's more anxiety than fear. But that's about it.
