averygoodun42 | better, kind of

Ah. Last night I dreamt of having an excuse to wear my sari. My beautiful-burgandy-and-gold-makes-me-feel-like-a-princess sari. And, just like dressing up in real life makes me feel better, so this dream gave me enough lift to make me feel... more cheerful. The only bummer about it was that in my dream I had chopped my sari in half, so there wasn't enough to drape properly. Fortunately, when I pulled it out this morning, I was reassured that I hadn't done anything so silly.

I'm not better. The pain is still there, but now I am in a frame of mind that can deal with it without shutting down and feeling like I'm worse than worthless.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, the cause is simple: grief. I'm finally dealing with my grampa's death. I don't grieve well, meaning I try to convert it to some emotion I am more familiar or comfortable with, like anger. But that hasn't happened this time. I just decided to emotionally shut down instead until my body rebelled.

So, the upside is I feel like I can do something other than sit around and mope. Downside is that the pain isn't going to go away all that soon.

And thank you for your well-wishes. I appreciate them very much.

*hugs back*