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averygoodun42I dreamt about the beginnings of the Holocaust last night. Fun stuff. It wasn't as bad as it could have been, though, as it was more about the politics of the wealthy around that time, and the emotional element to everything. Actually, it was more about emotional freedom than anything else.
My character was a modestly wealthy young woman going to college with boys. She wasn't terribly popular, but she wasn't shunned, either. By the end of her first year, she was seriously dating one of her classmates. It was serious enough to introduce him to her parents when they came to pick her up.
They didn't like him. They talked about taking her out of school if it was going to give her such ideas. She protested, her father listened and very reluctantly let her go back. Then everything went south.
She was still dating that guy when she met R, whom she fell in love with at first sight. He was kind, funny, and more enlightened than her boyfriend. But she was still dating that other guy, and she wasn't able to do anything so she ignored the feelings and repressed them.
Things with that guy weren't going very well, though. She wouldn't touch him, she wouldn't tell him how she felt. She refused to say "I love you," which was really pissing him off. She held back her love, torturing him. She thought she did love him. She'd been with him for ages, he was good to her, they had plans... It was the right thing to do. She wanted to love him, but couldn't find the energy to.
As she entered her third year, things became strained all around. She still hadn't told that guy of hers that she loved him. She dangled the promise of her love like a carrot, but she was growing aware that the promise was empty. She was watching R with more and more longing, and her heart ached at the wrongness of her situation. When her guy proposed, she broke it off between them, much to his horror and anger.
She was also watching the situation in Germany unfold, and saw that many people were Nazi sympathizers. Especially the people she was surrounded by at her wealthy college. She saw the people around her nodding their heads at the ideas that would make them rich. She saw R doing the same.
One day, she was out for a walk and she came across her ex-boyfriend. He was talking to a man who was carrying a figurine of some sort. The stranger gave her ex the figurine and told him to think about something. Her ex looked at the figurine with hard eyes, then dropped it on the ground before marching off after the guy,
She went to investigate, and it was a little wax man all dressed in red. She picked it up, and played with it a bit, manipulating the layers. The red layer came off and turned black, and, fitting it together again, she saw it now looked like Darth Vader. She was scared.
R came across her at that moment, and she showed the German figurine to him. He shrugged his shoulders, telling her it was nothing to worry about. She argued with him, trying to tell him that the situation in Germany wasn't something to be taken lightly. He shrugged again. She told him they were killing off Jews. He paused at that, being Jewish. He didn't believe her, though.
They went their separate ways, she disillusioned, him a little more thoughtful.
The ex disappeared shortly after that. She continued going to classes, although it became more and more obvious that she was receiving a different education from the boys. She didn't know that it was worse, but it was different. The boys were being trained to be soldiers, she into a wife. She wanted to rebel. She wanted to tell everyone what was going on. She decided she was going to do so, and organized a meeting of her friends.
Everyone listened to her patiently, but only one or two believed her. R was one of them. He stayed after the meeting, and when he came to her, and embraced her, she found herself admitting that she loved him, over and over and over again. She wondered why it was so easy to say it to R, when he didn't ask for it or even want it, while it was impossible to give her ex what he was so desperate for.
The next day, Ex came back and everyone saw it was too late to change the course of history, or even listen to her warnings.
The dream, of course, was a heck of a lot more surreal than that, but that was the story underneath it.
My character was a modestly wealthy young woman going to college with boys. She wasn't terribly popular, but she wasn't shunned, either. By the end of her first year, she was seriously dating one of her classmates. It was serious enough to introduce him to her parents when they came to pick her up.
They didn't like him. They talked about taking her out of school if it was going to give her such ideas. She protested, her father listened and very reluctantly let her go back. Then everything went south.
She was still dating that guy when she met R, whom she fell in love with at first sight. He was kind, funny, and more enlightened than her boyfriend. But she was still dating that other guy, and she wasn't able to do anything so she ignored the feelings and repressed them.
Things with that guy weren't going very well, though. She wouldn't touch him, she wouldn't tell him how she felt. She refused to say "I love you," which was really pissing him off. She held back her love, torturing him. She thought she did love him. She'd been with him for ages, he was good to her, they had plans... It was the right thing to do. She wanted to love him, but couldn't find the energy to.
As she entered her third year, things became strained all around. She still hadn't told that guy of hers that she loved him. She dangled the promise of her love like a carrot, but she was growing aware that the promise was empty. She was watching R with more and more longing, and her heart ached at the wrongness of her situation. When her guy proposed, she broke it off between them, much to his horror and anger.
She was also watching the situation in Germany unfold, and saw that many people were Nazi sympathizers. Especially the people she was surrounded by at her wealthy college. She saw the people around her nodding their heads at the ideas that would make them rich. She saw R doing the same.
One day, she was out for a walk and she came across her ex-boyfriend. He was talking to a man who was carrying a figurine of some sort. The stranger gave her ex the figurine and told him to think about something. Her ex looked at the figurine with hard eyes, then dropped it on the ground before marching off after the guy,
She went to investigate, and it was a little wax man all dressed in red. She picked it up, and played with it a bit, manipulating the layers. The red layer came off and turned black, and, fitting it together again, she saw it now looked like Darth Vader. She was scared.
R came across her at that moment, and she showed the German figurine to him. He shrugged his shoulders, telling her it was nothing to worry about. She argued with him, trying to tell him that the situation in Germany wasn't something to be taken lightly. He shrugged again. She told him they were killing off Jews. He paused at that, being Jewish. He didn't believe her, though.
They went their separate ways, she disillusioned, him a little more thoughtful.
The ex disappeared shortly after that. She continued going to classes, although it became more and more obvious that she was receiving a different education from the boys. She didn't know that it was worse, but it was different. The boys were being trained to be soldiers, she into a wife. She wanted to rebel. She wanted to tell everyone what was going on. She decided she was going to do so, and organized a meeting of her friends.
Everyone listened to her patiently, but only one or two believed her. R was one of them. He stayed after the meeting, and when he came to her, and embraced her, she found herself admitting that she loved him, over and over and over again. She wondered why it was so easy to say it to R, when he didn't ask for it or even want it, while it was impossible to give her ex what he was so desperate for.
The next day, Ex came back and everyone saw it was too late to change the course of history, or even listen to her warnings.
The dream, of course, was a heck of a lot more surreal than that, but that was the story underneath it.
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Date: 2007-09-03 03:33 pm (UTC)I read a book about a woman who is in love with a priest, but dating someone else that had a similar dynamic. It was set at Oxford just after the war. It was called Lapsing by Jill Paton Walsh. It is one of the most blistering criticisms of religion, specifically Catholicism, that I have read in a very long time. It's insight into the impact of socio-political beliefs on personal relationships is the reason it comes to mind. I can't recommend it specifically, because I thought it was rather grotesque, but it was certainly thought provoking.
Marla lent me this documentary called Blind Spot which is an interview with Hitler's secretary. This woman talks about how she didn't know what was going on, she was just trying to be a good German and make a living, but ultimately what really got to her was a statue in some town where she lived of a German girl who was martyred very early in the war trying to interfere with the gov'ts plans for extermination. This girl and she were the same age. She kept saying, "Not knowing isn't a good enough excuse. If this other girl knew, it means I could, too."