Being dumb is bad, m'kay?
Jan. 4th, 2009 11:24 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
averygoodun42Why should writing be so difficult? Writing on task that is, not this verbal diarrhea that counts as journalling (and should therefore probably not be public, but, hey, I'm a social dunce so therefore I'll ignore social mores for now).
Why is thinking so difficult? Concentrating. Discipline. I guess that's my answer, but why should something that is so... obvious, so... natural be so damn difficult to do?
Of course, it doesn't help when my verbal center shuts down and won't allow me to access my vocabulary.
Learning to think again, not just wander around as I like, is hard. I'm not doing a very good job of it, either. My brain has atrophied quite a bit in the last year or two, and it's painful to look back and see proof thereof. I'm sure I've gained some knowledge or skills of some sort in that time span, but I'm not convinced. Mothering is becoming more and more difficult (how do you deal with a four-year-old boy, anyway?!?), housekeeping has become a joke, art is in flux and purpose is stymied.
I know I have it easy, and I am thankful for that, but... No. No buts. I am extremely thankful for how easy I've had it. Even if the result of such ease has been the downfall of my brain and body.
However, the downward slide has to stop. So, I'm challenging myself to improve this year. I will read at least one college English course's worth of books (preferably with a college syllabus or two to work from). You know, the core books. Figuring out what those are might require some assistance, but I've got lots of edumacated friends to help out there. :-)
I'm challenging myself to become a better writer. To organize my thoughts better and convey them without wandering all over the place. This applies to my journalling as much, if not more than, my stories.
I'm also challenging myself to write more so as to exercise my new (or renewed) skills. This includes fiction (original and/or fan), critiques and essays.
I'm challenging myself to take better care of my body so that my mind has a fighting chance of succeeding.
And above those challenges, I am challenging myself to be a better mom, friend and wife. Not necessarily in that order.
On the plus side, I have managed to write about 1,000 words of SMHC in the last couple of days, so yay. I'm that much closer to an update. On the down side, every bloody sentence is a struggle, and I'm afraid it shows. I dread the printed-out read-through edit. I expect it will be as bad as chapter 10 of MAC was before revisions. *shudders*
I want to get SMHC finished this year. I would like to get all of my non-abandoned WIPs finished this year. But first comes SMHC, because, yeah. It needs to be finished.
But I really need to go to bed now, as tomorrow is a school day for Babe, which means waking up godawful early. Oh well.
Why is thinking so difficult? Concentrating. Discipline. I guess that's my answer, but why should something that is so... obvious, so... natural be so damn difficult to do?
Of course, it doesn't help when my verbal center shuts down and won't allow me to access my vocabulary.
Learning to think again, not just wander around as I like, is hard. I'm not doing a very good job of it, either. My brain has atrophied quite a bit in the last year or two, and it's painful to look back and see proof thereof. I'm sure I've gained some knowledge or skills of some sort in that time span, but I'm not convinced. Mothering is becoming more and more difficult (how do you deal with a four-year-old boy, anyway?!?), housekeeping has become a joke, art is in flux and purpose is stymied.
I know I have it easy, and I am thankful for that, but... No. No buts. I am extremely thankful for how easy I've had it. Even if the result of such ease has been the downfall of my brain and body.
However, the downward slide has to stop. So, I'm challenging myself to improve this year. I will read at least one college English course's worth of books (preferably with a college syllabus or two to work from). You know, the core books. Figuring out what those are might require some assistance, but I've got lots of edumacated friends to help out there. :-)
I'm challenging myself to become a better writer. To organize my thoughts better and convey them without wandering all over the place. This applies to my journalling as much, if not more than, my stories.
I'm also challenging myself to write more so as to exercise my new (or renewed) skills. This includes fiction (original and/or fan), critiques and essays.
I'm challenging myself to take better care of my body so that my mind has a fighting chance of succeeding.
And above those challenges, I am challenging myself to be a better mom, friend and wife. Not necessarily in that order.
On the plus side, I have managed to write about 1,000 words of SMHC in the last couple of days, so yay. I'm that much closer to an update. On the down side, every bloody sentence is a struggle, and I'm afraid it shows. I dread the printed-out read-through edit. I expect it will be as bad as chapter 10 of MAC was before revisions. *shudders*
I want to get SMHC finished this year. I would like to get all of my non-abandoned WIPs finished this year. But first comes SMHC, because, yeah. It needs to be finished.
But I really need to go to bed now, as tomorrow is a school day for Babe, which means waking up godawful early. Oh well.
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no subject
Date: 2009-01-05 06:42 am (UTC)I'm all for literature, but I'm not for chores as relate to reading. However, I'm always up for talking about books, so please let me know if I can be of any assistance.
I would like to see a list of challenging books that you enjoyed. Or, perhaps, more to the point, books that changed your life, or changed the way you thought about things.
To your credit: I think you've persevered in retaining and expanding your vision. I was very impressed with your photography, which seems like it is a new medium. And four year old boys... well I'm of the opinion they're a great improvement over two year olds. The other great thing about kids B's age is the fact that you can learn together. His questions and curiosities can become learning opportunities for you both.
no subject
Date: 2009-01-05 03:57 pm (UTC)Books that changed my life, eh? I'll have to think on that. I know there are a few...
Four is definitely better than two, but more difficult for me because I have to be more disciplined if I want him to be disciplined at all. Not fun. But the engagement is awesome. The other day I was gobsmacked when he asked, out of the blue, why he'd received a time-out the day before. I'm afraid I muffed the explanation because I was so shocked to hear the question! He's not the most forthcoming guy, but I do love the expanding curiosity!
no subject
Date: 2009-01-05 08:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-05 04:52 pm (UTC)Thank you!