averygoodun42 | Health update (feel free to keep on moving)

Decided that I'm physically ready for the megadose C treatment. Have had 27-32 grams today and haven't reached titration, though it's felt close. Will try for 40 tomorrow and hope that'll do it. Hope to all hell I won't need more than 45, 'cause I just don't see how to physically do it. Not unless I go get a juice I can actually drink for once every 1/2 hour shots (right now I'm doing 10 oz glasses of water with 5 grams every hour. It's rather tart, and after the fourth one, almost unbearable).

On the plus side, my skin is enjoying all the water. And I was able to hold a cross-legged pose for a good twenty minutes without pain on release during prayer group.

On the down side... I haven't reached titration yet. And I'm internally bubbly. And my mosquito bites still itch a bit. (C is an antihistamine, did you know?) And I have no idea how long I'll have to keep on this regimen, though it shouldn't be more than two weeks at the longest. Right? *wibbles*

If I don't reach titration at any point this week, I will start looking into a liver cleanse. Hopefully this will work its biological magic and negate the need for the stronger, scarier stuff, though.

I'm trying to convince myself to give myself the 'gift' of one month of doing absolutely everything 'right'. That would mean a strict diet excluding all the things I KNOW are stressors (all sugars, dairy, wheat, gluten, legumes, chicken, eggs, etc.), exercising Every! Day! even if it's only a walk around the block (on top of the morning stretches), making damn sure I get enough water to drink, and being extra vigilant about taking all my drugs. Every day. On time.

It's a hard sell. Mostly because I know that I will feel so much better, but won't be ~~able~~ willing to sustain it... Either that, or I'll start spontaneously detoxing again and feel like absolute shit the entire time.

Damn self-defeating attitudes, either way.

You know I realize, as I talk about detoxing and health and all this, that I must sound like I am on some hard-core drugs, or am an on-the-edge-of-liver-failure-alcoholic. I'm not. I have done some hard-core stuff, but only the kind my docs have prescribed (prednisone, methotrexate, CT scans, etc.) and only before knowing just how dangerous that stuff is. (The stuff they're finding out about metho's after-effects is fucking... I am so glad I was so scared of the liver biopsy that I just stopped the stuff!) Fortunately, almost every doctor I've had has been (justifiably) leery of prednisone and only used it when absolutely necessary, so I don't have the bone/tissue/growth problems some people I know had/have. And my severe depressive reaction to it kept me from being on it for too long (only a couple years...). But I'm still rather pissed about all the CT scans. Full adult doses of their super rich radiation on a 48-pound kid? So not cool. (They didn't really know better, Elizabeth. They were only doing what they thought best. They were human, fallible and ignorant. Just forgive them already, dammit!)

But I need to remind myself that I have been on some pretty heavy-duty shit. A lot of it has been purged by time and relatively healthy liver, but not all. I need to have patience. I'm not going to get rid of fifteen years' worth of shit (plus ten extra years worth of failing health) in two weeks, two months or even, possibly, two years.

I am stronger than I was five years ago. I am healthier than I was one year ago. I am on the right path. I am also allowed to take regimen breathers every now and again. They're called mental-health breaks. Just be sure to quit those breaks before going mental...

32-37 grams (had another glass just now), and my bites aren't bugging me much anymore. I'm going to be up half the night peeing, though. Ach well. Just more chances to get to titration, right?

(Remember: you sat cross legged and barely thought about it when unbending. It's working, even if it is slowly. And IT'S ONLY THE FIRST DAY!!! Patience...)