Anxiety dreams
Jun. 9th, 2011 08:42 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
averygoodun42Had two classic anxiety dreams last night, although really, it was more like one dream interrupted by waking.
First one had me trying to get to school, and everything going wrong. The boat(!) to get to school ran late and to get off the boat, I needed to crawl across a slippery-cloth covered bridge (that was about 3 feet wide and sloped on either side, like the underside of a boat) that bridged a deep abyss.
When I finally got to the school, I didn't know where to go because all my paperwork had been left behind. I was smart enough to ask for directions from the librarian, but as I entered the classroom, mid-lecture, the librarian followed me and proceeded to lecture me about school policies and common courtesy and not being late and such so that I missed what was left of the instructions for the first assignment.
The librarian left just as the professor ended the instructions with a, "So that's it. Pretty easy, eh?" But I didn't catch any of it, and I couldn't decipher her writing! I wanted to ask my classmates, but they were all busy either completing the task (it was a one page, three or four line task) or leaving, because they had completed it. Also, I was a disorganized mess, my binders falling apart, the papers scattering everywhere, and me not being able to find my pen.
There was also nonsense about construction paper and making the assignment crafty.
That's about where I woke up.
After I turned on the a/c and climbed back into bed, the dream seemingly continued. The class had ended, but there was another class right after, which I stayed for so as to get the assignment. The professor was different, but he had better writing, so I was, at first, able to read the board. Thing was, it was in code, and as soon as he said what it meant, I forgot it! This time, I did ask the person sitting next to me what was going on, and she kindly explained. I thought I got it, even though it was pretty nonsensical. What did military ranks have to do with statistics? And was this assignment real? Was it just to show I had been here and could follow instructions? And what would it say about me if I couldn't follow such simple instructions?
Anyway, I finally found a pencil (no pen, though) and started writing my paper as per instructions:
Full name
Date
Class
Number
Only, as I wrote my name, my ability to write regressed. It started off normally, but by the time I reached my last name, I was writing like a four-year-old! I was appalled! But I struggled on, until I realized I couldn't remember the name of the class. It started with an A, but was is Assisting? No... Annodes? No... The word (accounting) was there in my brain, but it wouldn't come forward. And the assignment itself continued to confuse me, even though it was very, very simple.
Finally, I decided to just go to the construction paper pile and find something to make it pretty. Well, as pretty as a prison bar gate can be. And I couldn't even do that properly.
So, I guess I must be feeling a little anxiety about restarting school. (I turn in the final financial aid paperwork right after I finish this post.)
At least the dream didn't involve blindness. When I got up this morning, my blood pressure was low enough to make me lose vision for a solid five (possibly ten) seconds (enough time to consciously blink several times and start really wondering what was going on, as it wasn't the normal twinkly dizziness, just a loss of vision), so I think if the dream had involved blindness, I would have freaked.
As it was, I just leaned against the side of the door until it passed. But it's something to make note of, as that is rather odd for me. Probably a side effect of my medication. *shrug*
Anyway, off I go! Busy day ahead.
First one had me trying to get to school, and everything going wrong. The boat(!) to get to school ran late and to get off the boat, I needed to crawl across a slippery-cloth covered bridge (that was about 3 feet wide and sloped on either side, like the underside of a boat) that bridged a deep abyss.
When I finally got to the school, I didn't know where to go because all my paperwork had been left behind. I was smart enough to ask for directions from the librarian, but as I entered the classroom, mid-lecture, the librarian followed me and proceeded to lecture me about school policies and common courtesy and not being late and such so that I missed what was left of the instructions for the first assignment.
The librarian left just as the professor ended the instructions with a, "So that's it. Pretty easy, eh?" But I didn't catch any of it, and I couldn't decipher her writing! I wanted to ask my classmates, but they were all busy either completing the task (it was a one page, three or four line task) or leaving, because they had completed it. Also, I was a disorganized mess, my binders falling apart, the papers scattering everywhere, and me not being able to find my pen.
There was also nonsense about construction paper and making the assignment crafty.
That's about where I woke up.
After I turned on the a/c and climbed back into bed, the dream seemingly continued. The class had ended, but there was another class right after, which I stayed for so as to get the assignment. The professor was different, but he had better writing, so I was, at first, able to read the board. Thing was, it was in code, and as soon as he said what it meant, I forgot it! This time, I did ask the person sitting next to me what was going on, and she kindly explained. I thought I got it, even though it was pretty nonsensical. What did military ranks have to do with statistics? And was this assignment real? Was it just to show I had been here and could follow instructions? And what would it say about me if I couldn't follow such simple instructions?
Anyway, I finally found a pencil (no pen, though) and started writing my paper as per instructions:
Full name
Date
Class
Number
Only, as I wrote my name, my ability to write regressed. It started off normally, but by the time I reached my last name, I was writing like a four-year-old! I was appalled! But I struggled on, until I realized I couldn't remember the name of the class. It started with an A, but was is Assisting? No... Annodes? No... The word (accounting) was there in my brain, but it wouldn't come forward. And the assignment itself continued to confuse me, even though it was very, very simple.
Finally, I decided to just go to the construction paper pile and find something to make it pretty. Well, as pretty as a prison bar gate can be. And I couldn't even do that properly.
So, I guess I must be feeling a little anxiety about restarting school. (I turn in the final financial aid paperwork right after I finish this post.)
At least the dream didn't involve blindness. When I got up this morning, my blood pressure was low enough to make me lose vision for a solid five (possibly ten) seconds (enough time to consciously blink several times and start really wondering what was going on, as it wasn't the normal twinkly dizziness, just a loss of vision), so I think if the dream had involved blindness, I would have freaked.
As it was, I just leaned against the side of the door until it passed. But it's something to make note of, as that is rather odd for me. Probably a side effect of my medication. *shrug*
Anyway, off I go! Busy day ahead.
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no subject
Date: 2011-06-09 12:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-09 04:59 pm (UTC)