8 days

[averygoodun42]

And a paper due tomorrow.

I was hoping that the meeting with the school this morning would ease my anxiety about the whole situation, but it seems not. Through absolutely no fault of theirs, I left the meeting feeling utterly inadequate as a mother.

(They're still a big black hole where communication is concerned, though. It's not just me.)

I hate this feeling. It's irrational, (mostly) wrong and stupid. (And no, that's not three ways of saying the same thing.)

Anyway, the upshot of the meeting is wait and see. Wait and see how counseling helps him. Wait and see what data we all collect (concerning his behavior). Wait and see if getting him glasses will help him focus (both ocularly and mentally). Wait. And. See.

I hate 'wait and see' situations. Hate, hate, hate.

*big breath*

Anyway. It's not all bad. They say his behavior has improved significantly since the beginning of the year. (The bad is that it's now unpredictable.) His learning is not impacted (so no special ed evaluation. For now). And they gave us a clearer picture of what is happening with him at school to make him act out. And, unfortunately, it looks like sensory-overload to me. He's caught my social anxiety, the poor kid.

On the plus side, everyone who meets with Page knows he's intelligent. The teacher acknowledged that advancing his math book back in the fall helped tremendously (during math-time), and so it's possible that she might do something similar where language arts is concerned. (And I'll be taking Page to the eyebologist this afternoon to see if his vision has deteriorated from his last physical, making it even more difficult to focus on reading the much smaller print in stories. Though probably it's just a boredom thing there, too.)

And meanwhile, Geoff and I will look for swim lessons or resume karate lessons, or something physical. (We actually just went out and bought Page a new bike that's a better size and has coaster brakes, unlike the freebie. I think I'll take him out for a ride this afternoon. It'll be good for both of us.)

*sigh* I don't know. It feels like there's more I should be doing (oh, hell. I KNOW there's more I should be doing), but I'm doing all I can at the moment. And I need to not beat myself up about it. *nods weakly*

Meanwhile, I really do have a paper to BS write, even though all I really want (need?) to do is lie down and sleep. The B vitamins I've started taking have been knocking me for a loop. I guess they're working and helping me to de-stress, and that results in my feeling my utter exhaustion that much more clearly. Yay.

8 days, though. 8 days and then I can sleep the days away rest. For a bit.

Comments

[mundungus42.livejournal.com]

*unsurreptitiously kicks bad-mommy guilt out of the house*

*hugs* Good luck with the paper, with finding physical outlets for Page, de-stressing, and most of all, SLEEEP!

[averygoodun.livejournal.com]

*ouches!* Hey, that guilt is a part of me! Careful where you kick! ;-D

*hugs back* Thanks. I'm looking forward to de-stressing. Boy, am I looking forward to de-stressing!

[m-mcgonagall-65.livejournal.com]

He's at the age where wait and see as they try a few strategies is important. There may also be some trial and error (another three hateful words) as they work to find the best skills to help him cope. Don't feel guilty or awful. It's better to try a few things and see if they can do as much as possible without meds.

[averygoodun.livejournal.com]

*sigh* I know. But it's haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrd. /whine

The worst bit is knowing there's a time crunch for figuring all this out. We have until the end of next year before Page will likely become the big red button all the kids want to push.

*meeps*

[evieeros.livejournal.com]

You caught this relatively early. Page is young enough that although this has obviously had a huge impact he can learn coping skills that will help him the rest of his life. I am 27 and JUST NOW trying to figure out and learn coping skills for my mental health issues (well I've been working on this for a few years but it's finally sort of working).

Sometimes I wish I had acted out as a kid so that I would have had half the support you are giving Page. I internalized EVERYTHING and became Very Good at hiding my true emotions even from myself so only now as I talk about it more with them are my parents realizing how much I suffered as a kid. It's not that they wouldn't have been there, it's that they didn't even know how much I needed help. I didn't even know how much I needed help, I thought I was normal and that everyone felt the way I did and they were just better at life!

You are an awesome mom. To be honest you give me hope of having kids of my own some day because although I know I have issues in you I see someone who has overcome so much and still manages to be a great parent to a kid with his own issues while managing your own and keeping up with self-care. Don't forget that self-care bit though! ♥

[averygoodun.livejournal.com]

True, true. I was similar to you in being slow to learn coping skills. Or, at least constructive coping skills. Being hermetic isn't exactly a good thing...

Well, you know, part of the problem is that school is really, really not designed for boys. Boys are odd little creatures who NEED to move and hit and be aggressive. They don't mean harm from it (most of the time), it's just how they're built. Most boys get it out of their system by their teens and then they can be safely introduced to civilization. But nowadays we're forcing boys who are not developmentally ready for social constructs to behave like girls, or else. It's really not fair.

However. It's how it is. I will not feel guilty. Or at least I will try not to feel guilty. And I will take care of myself. *nods*

[septentrion1970.livejournal.com]

You have a wonderful boy, very intelligent but oh so tiring and trying! I think that giving him more ways to have physical activity will help, if only with the anxiety (I hope). Think of the man he will become thanks to Geoff and you! He has so much potential and you make sure it comes out. You're a wonderful mother!

[averygoodun.livejournal.com]

Yes! He is wonderful! He is intelligent and tiring and trying. And, somewhere in there, he's gone and advanced again, making it even more difficult as the rules have changed yet again. *sigh*

However, it's likely he will grow up to be a decent human being and good man. But, well, it's that whole "wait and see" thing again, isn't it? ;-D

[lifeasanamazon.livejournal.com]

You are doing a fabulous job. Your sheer willingness to do what's best for your boy puts you head and shoulders above so many parents without even a fraction of the challenges you face.

[averygoodun.livejournal.com]

Thank you. However, I am not always willing to do what's best for Page. For instance, I think my going back to school is actually bad for him at this point, but I'm not willing to put it off any longer. There are other things as well, but hopefully he'll grow up to see that taking care of oneself is very important.

[lifeasanamazon.livejournal.com]

Page will benefit from you being the person you need to be. It's a huge balancing act and sometimes we tip over. We keep trying, though, and that makes the difference.