The problem with Page

[averygoodun42]

Page wanted to go to the book fair today (and yesterday, too, but that's irrelevant). Since he was on yellow, instead of the reds of the previous days, Geoff and I said, "Sure," pointing out that we weren't going to buy anything today as not one of us had any money on us.

Inside the library, where the book fair was set up, Page showed us what he was drooling over (a Star Wars book... which would have been better had it not been Lego-ed). I looked around for a little bit till my leg gave out, and then Geoff continued to kid-wrangle.

As I sat on the bench, with my back to the fair, there entered one of Page's classmates, L. How did L introduce Page to his mom? "This is Page. He's the one who's always bad at school."

Granted, there was an element of awe in there, but...

Page is smart. By his teacher's admission, he's WAAAAAAAAY ahead of his class, and he can be a little charmer. Thing is, he isn't good at listening (or coming out of his fantasy world), and probably it's because it bores the bejeezus out of him.

If he weren't so lazy (and he is lazy, the little charmer), I would maybe talk to the teachers and so on about skipping him ahead a grade. But, well, unless he did all the catch-up work needed over the summer, I can see that backfiring into a loathing of school that is only just starting now.

But it is starting now. He's already been branded a trouble-maker. I saw that today when a teacher blatantly ignored him, even as he was being very good and following directions. He doesn't like the label any more than I do. I can see it in his face, and in his recent exclamations of, "I hate school!" or, "I don't want to go to school!" He buys into it, and is doing his darndest to excel at it, but he doesn't like it.

He loves to learn, and he hates school. And he's only in kindergarten.

Obviously, I do need to do something, but as of right now, I have no frikkin' idea what that is. I suppose I should go in and talk to his teachers, first. See what they think and/or recommend. And then I guess try to get him an IEP (if that's even possible for him)? I mean, this will probably happen on its own next year, since first grade is real in a way kindergarten isn't, but probably it would do well to show some proactiveness. Or something.

And, I do know Page isn't perfect. Page does have attitude problems. He needs to learn to control his temper. He needs to learn how to take a joke (especially in this household!) He needs to learn to be a gracious winner and a good loser. He needs to learn that although it may be easy to be good at something, being the best requires lots and lots of hard work. And that mistakes happen. And that... life requires us to bear with the boring bits on our best behavior, whether there's a cupcake at the end of it for you or not. He needs to relearn how to share.

But how much of that would be resolved in a year or two if he actually had to work at school? (And how much is just age related?) If he were put in the role of helper instead of trouble-maker? I think that his teachers have been trying to do a lot of that - he adores his teachers - but at this point, there isn't much in it for him. But then, he's not really bribeable. Never has been (dammit).

And he's already learned, quick kid that he is, that being able to fight well is how you get the most "respect," like L's awed introduction...


I know I'm not the most capable parent. I really, really know that. But how did (Geoff and) I manage to screw him up so much so quickly? He was Mister Pacifism as a baby. We all swore he was a reincarnated lama, what with his gentle manner (and Asian accent). And now? I'm pretty sure he wants to learn karate so he can beat people up. (Not that he's done so, yet, but...)

This tears at me, and all the more so because I don't know what to do, and I'm not sure I have the courage to do that which I do know. Or rather, I know I won't have the follow-through that's needed.

Anyway, point is I hate having a kid who's just as much of a social misfit as I ever was. Different kind of misfit (mostly), but... Not that there was much of a chance of his keeping his innate skills in the face of such parentage. *pouts*

Comments

[septentrion1970.livejournal.com]

Speaking to Page's teachers would be a good start. It might not change Page's attitude but it would help you assuage your fears. I know it did help me to speak to the daycare director when I had doubts about Mariem. And believe me, feeling better makes a whole world of difference. Because you aren't a bad parent. We all struggle to raise our children and to give them the best so that they can make their way as adults. What you'd like Page to learn will take him years to get *have a cousin who is still a sore loser at the tender age of 46*. It will come to him one day, have faith in that. *hugs*

[junewilliams7.livejournal.com]

You're not bad parents. You will get through this stage. Now, does this school have combination classes -- Kdgn/1st grade in one classroom, 1st/2nd in one classroom, etc.? It's less of a big deal than having him skip a grade, yet would still give him the challenges he seems to need. *HUGS*

[paisleysnail.livejournal.com]

I obviously don't have kids, but I remember very well what it was like to be bored in class. Having a word with Page's teachers would definitely be a start. As someone else said above^, even if they don't skip him a whole year, there might be other extension work that he can do from his present class - if not necessarily upwards, then sideways learning, almost. I remember being given odd little side projects, purely so that I wouldn't sit and twiddle my thumbs/talk to everyone around me in class when I had finished and they hadn't. ~hugs you~

[pigwidgeon37.livejournal.com]

Been there, done that. Not as a parent, but as a kid. Worse, I wasn't even sent to kindergarten, and thus started elementary school completely un-socialized, because I was an only child to boot (as good as, because my brother is 11 years my senior and was at boarding school). At the age of 5, and I could already read and write. Go figure. Plus, I had (and still have) a problem with authority.
It's not nice, I can tell you that much.
Talking to teachers is certainly a good idea, up to a point. Don't let them make you too insecure, though.
And if you really suspect his frustration might find its way out through aggression, why not let him learn karate or something like that? Usually martial art teachers hammer into the kids' heads that their skills must never be used for fun or even for defending themselves against other kids. Plus, it's something that would mean learning but without being bored -- might have a positive impact on his attitude towards learning in general, and also school.

[duniazade.livejournal.com]

I'm with Pigwidgeon on everything and especially on having him learn karate or another martial art in a serious environment. It's an excellent way of controlling aggressive impulses without stifling them.

*hugs*

[dickgloucester.livejournal.com]

It sounds as though boredom and motivation are the two main things to tackle - you'll need to work closely with the school. *hugs*

[m-mcgonagall-65.livejournal.com]

Your discussion of Page's qualities do not sound unusual for a boy his age. It's a tough age where boys are still are starting to understand reason, but they're not emotionally ready to cope with it yet. It's frustrating to them, so they get aggressive and have temper issues. I wouldn't be too quick to get him an IEP at this point.

I would definitely talk to his teachers about a)his need to be challenged in school; b) the fact that he's buying into the "trouble-maker" label.

I don't know what type of school Page goes to, but I'm a big proponent of smaller, private schools to help bright kids get the challenge they need and maximize their good points. I don't know if that's possible for you, but it's been good for my son (a bright boy who is also learning how to control his temper and be a good sport).

I think this is a very tough age. Don't assume that because it's not as easy to raise your son right now that you're a bad parent. It's really part of the age. I remember my niece going through some of the same issues at that age.

*hugs*