Darn, and other mixed blessings

[averygoodun42]

So, over the past few weeks, I've been inadvertently weaning myself off my antidepressants by forgetting them at semi-regular intervals (like, taking the full dose every other day or so). A couple of days ago I decided to make it official, and when I took my dose, I reduced it by a third, with the intention of taking that dose every day for a week before tapering off again.

Unfortunately, I'm feeling the lack already.

On the one side, this is depressing in that my mental well-being is dependent on a drug, and, given the amount of time I've been on it (more than enough time to retrain my serotonin uptake regulator into doing its job properly), probably will be for the rest of my life. I hate that. I hate that so much.

On the other side, it's kind of awesome that there is a drug that helps me fight the negativity monsters in my head. I just wish this drug didn't give me dry mouth so severely...

So, anyway, I will be taking the full prescribed dose this morning. And next. And every day thereafter.

*sigh*

In brighter news, my back garden is almost done. I still have to plant all the bulbs (and a few other plants that my clumsy, impatient fingers bought online a couple days ago), make a rock wall border, and build a trellis for the clematis, but otherwise, it's done. And the rock wall and trellis aren't imperative.

So yay. Of course, I ache like the dickens today because of overdoing it yesterday (and the day before), but it's basically done. And once the bulbs are in (I might, if I feel better later on, put 20 minutes into planting some of the bulbs today so as to get that big job going), I will be happily anxious to see how it'll look in spring.

Meanwhile, I have yet to do any house cleaning this weekend, or any shopping, or any homework. Oops. Priorities have been skewed by the fall air, me thinks.

Actually, today is homework day. I am so far behind in my reading it's not even funny. Also, I need to start seriously thinking about my psych paper that's due on Friday. This would all be easier if I could wake up a bit (*points up to second paragraph*) and not need quite so much sleep. (Of course, it would also be easier if I didn't have a family to take care of, but that's moot.)

But Geoff is now home from Brazil, so that might should help. Hopefully. I will be *cough* letting him do the cooking today (and this week, should he not cook en masse), and hopefully the three of us can keep on top of everything else that needs doing while still giving me time to read. (I am such an incredibly slow reader. I'm starting to worry about being able to keep up in later school years because of it...)

Right. Time to get to work, since that's why I stayed home from church today.

Hope all of you are as well as you can be. Hugs and Light to those who need or want them.

Comments

[dickgloucester.livejournal.com]

I can understand your reaction to the prospect of being dependent on medication for the rest of your life. *hugs* On the other hand, if it keeps you functioning and away from the black pit of despair, then what could be better than to live in an age and a country where these things are available?

[septentrion1970.livejournal.com]

It's so difficult to get off those meds. I'm trying with my anxiety medicines, too, but this week-end has been trying. Perhaps the trick would be to take a full dose every three days then four etc. ?

Hugs to you as well.

[blueartemis07.livejournal.com]

I weaned off of mine two years ago and ended up back on them two weeks ago. If I need them, I need them. ~hugs~