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averygoodun42A recent post of mugglegirl0908's sent me over to look at gunderpants' post about a letter written by a self-proclaimed "nice guy." I must admit my reading of the letter was a bit different from gun's.
I'm a guy and I also happen to be a nice guy. I have always been rejected/overlooked/shotdown by women because I'm too nice. I was raised to treat women, and people in general, with respect. I hold the door for chicks, I say yes ma'am, and I say please and thank you. And I never get any p***y.
Gun tell us that she's grateful that this guy "alerted me to his creep!status within forty words of his diatribe," and I agree, but for very different reasons. It wasn't his plea for "p***y," because, well, I believe, in my rather chauvanistic (but IMO realistic) way that that is all guys think about. I consider DH to be a very nice guy, but he openly admits thinking along those lines most of the time, especially when confronted with attractive females. As the letter writer tells us: that doesn't sound very much like a nice guy, but that's in my head, not out loud.
No, what bothered me about those first forty words was the I hold the door for chicks part. I don't disagree that holding doors open for anyone is a courteous thing to do, and it's always appreciated when they do so for me, but I do object to being called a "chick."
It brings to mind a discussion my best friend from high school and I had. The topic was: Which would you prefer to be called, "chick" or "babe (or baby)." I was genuinely shocked that my friend preferred chick over babe. Looking back, I can kind of sort of understand her reasoning, in that "babe/baby" does imply a level of immaturity that would be deeply offensive to the fledgling adult status of a teenager. It also has that nasty "who's yo daddy" thing going on, where there's an implied shift of power to the person using the term.
But, in my opinion, at least you aren't being referred to as a farm animal.
The thing I like about "babe/baby" is that it's gender transferable. You're almost as likely to hear a guy being called babe as you are a gal. That seems equitable.
No. To me, chick is the far more offensive term because not only is the girl being compared to a farm animal, a brainless farm animal, but it's a baby brainless farm animal at that, so you can't even take away the immaturity jibe.
(Granted that if a guy called me either one of those terms without it being in a facetious manner, it would probably end the relationship, but I'm picky that way. I actually think words hold power, as do names.)
So, DH and I were talking about this after he'd read a bit of gun's post, and it brought to mind the term of endearment I've seen about in quite a few SS/HG fics of late that grates on my nerves no end: little one. Granted, I do have a personal grudge against the term seeing as I was nicknamed "Littlebet" by a neighbor who refused to recognize (or, worse, did recognize) how much the name pissed me off, even at a young age, and continued to call me that until I was a teenager. grr.
But beyond the personal, it grates on my nerves because, in my mind, you call a child "little one," not a lover, because "little one" doesn't only imply a power imbalance, it CREATES it. Of course, maybe that makes it perfect for the SS/HG ship, because there is an inherent imbalance of power in that relationship. But I digress.
Of course, all of the terms will vary in their degrees of offensiveness by cultural region, I suspect. DH knows a guy in Texas (and it's horrible of me to hold all of Texas to the standard of this one guy, I know, and I apologize) who refers to his current girlfriend as "his chick." DH's comment to me was to wonder how long she would be "his chick" if he continued to call her that, then to wonder if it's different in Texas. Like everywhere else, though, it probably differs from person to person.
So, what do you think? If you had to choose, which would it be, and why?
mugglegirl0908's sent me over to look at gunderpants' post about a letter written by a self-proclaimed "nice guy." I must admit my reading of the letter was a bit different from gun's. I'm a guy and I also happen to be a nice guy. I have always been rejected/overlooked/shotdown by women because I'm too nice. I was raised to treat women, and people in general, with respect. I hold the door for chicks, I say yes ma'am, and I say please and thank you. And I never get any p***y.
Gun tell us that she's grateful that this guy "alerted me to his creep!status within forty words of his diatribe," and I agree, but for very different reasons. It wasn't his plea for "p***y," because, well, I believe, in my rather chauvanistic (but IMO realistic) way that that is all guys think about. I consider DH to be a very nice guy, but he openly admits thinking along those lines most of the time, especially when confronted with attractive females. As the letter writer tells us: that doesn't sound very much like a nice guy, but that's in my head, not out loud.
No, what bothered me about those first forty words was the I hold the door for chicks part. I don't disagree that holding doors open for anyone is a courteous thing to do, and it's always appreciated when they do so for me, but I do object to being called a "chick."
It brings to mind a discussion my best friend from high school and I had. The topic was: Which would you prefer to be called, "chick" or "babe (or baby)." I was genuinely shocked that my friend preferred chick over babe. Looking back, I can kind of sort of understand her reasoning, in that "babe/baby" does imply a level of immaturity that would be deeply offensive to the fledgling adult status of a teenager. It also has that nasty "who's yo daddy" thing going on, where there's an implied shift of power to the person using the term.
But, in my opinion, at least you aren't being referred to as a farm animal.
The thing I like about "babe/baby" is that it's gender transferable. You're almost as likely to hear a guy being called babe as you are a gal. That seems equitable.
No. To me, chick is the far more offensive term because not only is the girl being compared to a farm animal, a brainless farm animal, but it's a baby brainless farm animal at that, so you can't even take away the immaturity jibe.
(Granted that if a guy called me either one of those terms without it being in a facetious manner, it would probably end the relationship, but I'm picky that way. I actually think words hold power, as do names.)
So, DH and I were talking about this after he'd read a bit of gun's post, and it brought to mind the term of endearment I've seen about in quite a few SS/HG fics of late that grates on my nerves no end: little one. Granted, I do have a personal grudge against the term seeing as I was nicknamed "Littlebet" by a neighbor who refused to recognize (or, worse, did recognize) how much the name pissed me off, even at a young age, and continued to call me that until I was a teenager. grr.
But beyond the personal, it grates on my nerves because, in my mind, you call a child "little one," not a lover, because "little one" doesn't only imply a power imbalance, it CREATES it. Of course, maybe that makes it perfect for the SS/HG ship, because there is an inherent imbalance of power in that relationship. But I digress.
Of course, all of the terms will vary in their degrees of offensiveness by cultural region, I suspect. DH knows a guy in Texas (and it's horrible of me to hold all of Texas to the standard of this one guy, I know, and I apologize) who refers to his current girlfriend as "his chick." DH's comment to me was to wonder how long she would be "his chick" if he continued to call her that, then to wonder if it's different in Texas. Like everywhere else, though, it probably differs from person to person.
So, what do you think? If you had to choose, which would it be, and why?
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Date: 2007-01-12 06:23 pm (UTC)