Averygoodun's Personal File

Or something like that, anyway.

Last month, before my raised dose of anti-depressants had kicked in, I was feeling pretty damned despondent. Things were not looking good on most fronts. Geoff's company continues to struggle (think muffled kicking and screaming as it gets dragged down to the river), the near daily political assaults of our dear leader's cabinet picks, an atrocious period (bad PMDD and debilitating cramps? w00t!), and other stuff was pushing me to the floor, making sure it was digging its spurs in deep as it kicked me as I fell.

So, I finally cracked open my "new" tarot deck (from last summer? Yeah. Birthday present to myself 2015), and asked a question.

The answer wasn't really a direct answer to my question (which I should have known better than to expect), but basically said: you're in a truly shitty place right now, but if you follow your dreams, everything will better than okay eventually.

It also hinted at having to move.


I'm now on the maximum dose of my current meds, and that makes life so much better despite everything else still being a shitstorm of nastiness.

But what I've noticed is that I do really, truly fear what is about to happen to this country and the world. But unlike before the election, when it was a threat, but a seemingly impossible threat, now it's sinking in that, yes, life as we know it is ending. That's not to say that life itself is ending (necessarily, though that's certainly not out of the question given our dear leader's cabinet), but we're about to go through a massive, massive period of turmoil on all fronts.

But, it's interesting. Because my fears are coming to pass, I'm becoming more proactive about doing things that make me happy. Like, I went and bought a decent keyboard and am teaching myself to play again. It was justified in my mind as a tool to help Page with his saxophone, which it is, but it's also something I've been really wanting to do for a long, long while now (if I'd saved $2 every month for the time I've wanted this, I would have been able to buy a new Roland).

I'm also learning French, and dragging Page along with me, because being monolingual in today's world (and our circumstances) is stupid. (French is the language Page chose.) And being stupid does NOT make me happy.

I'm looking forward to seeing my rheumatologist so as to work with her on how to get myself exercising without huge amounts of pain or injury so as to get strength back (and maybe help my hips from clicking, and my back from constantly hurting).

And all this has nothing to do with any new year's resolutions. It's just impulses brought on by an inner drive. No, my resolutions are of the pragmatic "you need to do this, so just do it NOW" variety - everything that I'm not looking forward to doing. And there's plenty, like really digging in to the business aspects of my art (I still have to storyboard and record a video for my Patreon launch... bleh), planning out what to do if Geoff's job doesn't continue, resisting the oligarchy on the energy I have left over from daily struggles, etc., but I'm hoping I will be able to maintain this momentum to enjoy the moments I have left to enjoy in the life I currently lead. Because I really don't know how long we have left to lead it.

And to be clear, I have no plans or even ideas of physically dying. Any death I'm obliquely referring to is metaphorical. I hope. Because I'm privileged enough not to have to fear for my life, or the life of my family.

- My wrist hurts from all the note taking I'm doing. I'm about halfway done. It is worth it, though. And I can't complain too much, as it's my own damned fault I have so much to do at once.

- It's hot out. No, really! It was nasty muggy this morning (Page had prickly heat from it), and the outside temp is supposed to reach 90 at any minute. Fortunately, it will be returning to normal spring weather tomorrow and for the foreseeable future.

- "Foreseeable" is an odd word to type out. Try it!

- Husband is coming down with another ear infection. And there was much rejoicing. /sarcasm

- I read "The House of Many Ways" the other day, and I can confirm that laundry does, indeed, breed. At least nine loads to do today. Plus washing out the washing machine. Bleh.

- I am really looking forward to this week being over. Oh, screw it! I'm really looking forward to this semester being over! *checks calendar* 22 days and counting.

- The garden out front is starting to look respectable, now that the daffodils are blooming. Hope the heat doesn't kill them.

Two headlines to highlight this:

Nic Cage pays the IRS $6 million of what he owes This would imply that he owes more than $6M, and is really, really negligent. However, when reading the first line of the article, they say that the $6M is all he owed, and stands free and clear for the next year. I suppose this isn't really a preposition issue as a structural issue, but the "of," to my mind, puts the emphasis on the implication of more, rather than the amount he already paid.

Michelle Obama appears 'Biggest Loser' to fight obesity: This implies that Mrs. Obama is the biggest loser, rather than appearing on that show. There's a huge, enormous difference, and no pun is intended.


It's simple enough. There really is no excuse for these misuses. Sure, we're American and Americans play fast and loose with prepositions all of the time. But, usually that's only when they don't affect the MEANING OF THE SENTENCE!

Ahem.


Sorry. Bad day refuses to get better. (You'd think a behavior specialist would know how to actually communicate (hint: repeating the same phrases in exactly the same way three times is not a good example of how to do so)? Or at least know how to listen? OMFG, people! Maybe Bigger City isn't too far to go for Page's schooling...)

Anyway. Need to go be a parent. Joyousness will ensue, I'm sure.

But not in that order.

I must have used up my happiness quota for the week yesterday and the day before, because I am in a foul mood today. However, I have hope that it will improve over the course of the day, seeing as I managed to convince Babe to go to school (told him that if he still felt bad after a little while, he could ask to see the nurse and then ask to come home). He hasn't had a fever since Tuesday afternoon, so he's safe enough.

- Skimming over previous posts, I caught a word-order error that I've since corrected, but it impresses upon me that speaking aloud isn't the only place I often put my foot in it.( As clear as mud? )

And memeage: (Full list is here.)

Day 12 – What’s in your bag

I just came home from shopping, so it'll be a little more interesting than usual. Oh, and a lot of this will not be going back in.

( As good an excuse as any to clean out the purse )

So really, nothing exciting. And, I realized today while shopping that it's now jacket weather, so I can ditch the purse if I can find a billfold-type wallet in Geoff's drawer or Sally Ann. My back will be so happy!


Oh, and my mood has indeed improved with my outing. Not only do I have the supplies necessary to work on the art project (brown thread) I also remembered to get suspender snaps so I can make straps for my slinky black strapless dress (and not have to worry about it falling down). (No, I don't have a big bosom.) And I am also happy that I managed to find both sarsaparilla and yarrow at the vitamin shoppe I stopped in at when I went in for my copper! And alcohol-free milk thistle tincture! Yay, yay, yay!

I'm a dunce when it comes to interpreting poetry, and even more of a dunce when it comes to interpreting older poetry.

We'll be singing "Tune Thy Music To Thy Heart" tomorrow (to a tricky-ish composition by Alec Rowley), and still, the phrase "and so thy sorrow" is giving me trouble, linguistically. I more or less get it, but I don't get it enough to explain it to others. Would any of you be able and kind enough to explain it to me, the English poetry lay(wo)man?


Tune thy Musicke to thy hart,
Sing thy joy with thankes, and so thy sorrow:
Though Devotion needes not Art,
Sometimes of the poore the rich may borrow.

Strive not yet for curious wayes:
Concord pleaseth more, the lesse 'tis strained;
Zeale affects not outward prayse,
Onely strives to show a love unfained.

Love can wondrous things affect,
Sweetest Sacrifice, all wrath appeasing;
Love the highest doth respect;
Love alone to Him is ever pleasing.

"Bellicose orients 'prone to fighting' toward an individual while belligerent refers to an organized body, a national or political entity - a person is bellicose, a nation is belligerent."


I didn't, although I've mostly used it properly so far...